Maddie had a lot of questions. And there was only one person with the answers: Josie shepard. Well, there was a chance that Neville had some answers too, but Josie was a safer bet.
Although there was one question that Josie probably couldn’t answer.
Why did Maddie have so many questions anyway? Josie wearing a Pull-Up was her own business, whatever she was doing with Neville was just the same. And yet Maddie couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Was she wearing one at school? Does she always wear them? Does she actually use them? That was ludicrous, of course she did otherwise she wouldn’t wear them. But why did she use them? Was she sick? Was there something wrong with her?
“Madeline, are you ready for school?” Zoey asked as she poked her head in Maddie’s room.
“Maddie.”
“What?” Zoey asked.
“Call me Maddie.”
“Uhm...” Zoey just walked back out and continued downstairs.
Was it really appropriate to just walk up to Josie and ask her? Also, why was Josie so calm about it? The entire class still makes fun of Violet for wetting Theresa’s bed at the last big sleepover, so shouldn’t Josie be more cautious or embarrassed?
Maddie had had accidents of her own, some more recent than she’d care to admit. But after wetting herself once, where no one but her family found out, she wanted to die.
But here was Josie, caught in a diaper, strutting around like it was nothing.
And Maddie just had to figure out why.
***
When she arrived, Maddie couldn’t help but keep her eyes on Josie. The St. Harmony’s school uniform didn’t make it any easier to spot what was between Josie’s legs. The new girl walked with pride and dignity. If she was wearing a Pull-Up, she was used to it as she didn’t have an uncomfortable waddle.
Maddie shook off the thought. What even made her think there was an uncomfortable waddle? She hadn’t worn a diaper since she was a baby. And she certainly didn’t want to.
“Hi, Madeline,” Violet said passing her in homeroom.
“Morning, Violet,” Maddie said.
“So what kind of diaper do you want to wear?” Violet asked.
Maddie blinked. “What?”
“I said what kind of diorama do you think you’re going to make,” Violet said. “We have science today and that’s always the first big project in fourth grade science.”
“Oh,” Maddie said. “Right. Um...”
Before Maddie could answer, Violet was shoved aside and a new visitor had found her way to Maddie’s desk.
“Hey, Madeline,” Cassandra smiled. “Have you thought about my offer? You. Me. And Phoebe. We’re taking the Fourth Grade.”
“Uh...” Maddie looked behind Cassandra and once again saw Phoebe standing in silence. “And what exactly does that mean?”
“Huh?” Cassandra asked.
“You’re taking the Fourth Grade, right?” Maddie asked. “What does that mean? Where are you taking us?”
Cassandra turned to Phoebe. Neither one of them could produce an answer before Zoey showed up.
“It’s time for you two to take your seats,” Zoey said.
Cassandra shot Zoey a look and mocked, “Thanks, mom,” before the bell rang.
“You’re welcome,” Zoey said before taking her seat.
Maddie found that interested, since she hadn’t technically thanked Zoey for anything.
***
“Hey, Josie,” Andromeda asked, “Have you noticed that Maddie has been looking at you all day?”
Josie didn’t look up, she already knew the answer. “No,” she lied. “Is there something in my teeth?”
Josie smiled. There was indeed something in her teeth: lunch.
The cafeteria at St. Harmonys was also the gym and the auditorium. Because of the size of the student body, each grade was denoted a series of long tables all connected to each other. The boys sat on one end and the girls on the other. There was usually a chair or two separating the two genders. Technically speaking, there was nothing preventing the boys and girls or even the third graders and the fourth graders from sitting with each other. It was just an unofficial or unspoken law of the land.
Josie sat at the crack between the boys and the girls, with Andromeda across from her and Neville to her left. Maddie was on the other side, she and Josie could see each other but would have to raise their voices to hold a conversation.
And Maddie really, really looked like she wanted to talk.
“So you two are probably going to do the diorama together?” Neville asked.
“The what?” Josie asked.
Neville began, “It’s the-”
“Oh, wait,” Josie said, “I don’t care.”
Neville giggled. “Is she always like this?” he asked Andromeda.
Andromeda stared at him, dumbfounded. She turned to Josie and asked, “Are we like… his friend now?”
“He’s my friend,” Josie said, “And you’re my friend. If you choose to be friends with each other, that’s fine by me. I have to pee.”
Josie stood up and left. Andromed and Neville stared at each other.
“So,” Neville said, “Is she really going to… You know? Or is she gonna… You know?”
Andromeda raised an eyebrow.
“Or,” Neville wondered allowed, “Do you not know?”
“Do you know?” Andromeda asked.
“I don’t know,” Neville, “What do you think I know. Unless you don’t know it.”
“That depends,” Andromeda said. “What do you think I know?”
Neville began, “Well I know-”
“Shut up!” Chris Wenzel said, sitting across the empty gap between Neville and the rest of the boys.
***
Josie got out of the stall and proceeded to wash her hands. In the mirror, she saw Maddie standing behind her,
“I see you got my message,” Josie said.
“What?” Maddie asked.
“I got up to pee,” Josie said, “And very loudly said ‘I have to pee’ as a message for you to meet me in the bathroom.”
Maddie was silent.
“Wait a minute,” Josie looked deep into Maddie’s innocent face. “If you didn’t know I was sending you a message, what are you doing here?”
“Uhm,” Maddie stumbled. “I have to pee?”
“No you don’t,” Josie said.
“I have to go,” Maddie turned around.
“Wait!”
Maddie froze.
“Turn around,” Josie said. “Now.”
Maddie slowly turned around. Her heart leapt the moment she saw Josie holding up her skirt, exposing her Pull-Up.
“You wanted to peek under the stall and see this,” Josie said. “Right?”
Maddie blushed, but nodded.
Josie lowered her skirt. “It’s okay, I get it.”
“Get what?” Maddie asked.
“At Harmony Hills there were like ten girls who liked diapers,” Josie explained. “It’s not uncommon actually. I did a lot of online research. You’re not weird.”
“I don’t like diapers,” Maddie said.
Josie paused. “So what then? You’re going to expose me? To embarrass me or something? Because let me tell you, while I am not particularly looking forward to the entire school finding out I could care less either way.”
“No,” Maddie said. “I was just… Curious.”
The bell rang. Josie looked up for the sound, but saw nothing. When she turned back, Maddie was gone.
***
Now that Maddie knew it was there, she couldn’t stop thinking about Josie’s Pull-Up. That moment, that image, was burned into her head. Maddie would never be able to look at Sofia the First the same way again.
“Madeline!”
Suddenly Maddie was drawn back to reality.
“What?” she said. “Sorry, what?”
“Josie just asked to be your diorama partner,” the teacher said, “Do you accept?”
Maddie looked around the rest of the science room. Josie wasn’t even paying attention, but Zoey was mouthing “Pick me.”
“Yeah,” Maddie said. “I’ll be Josie’s partner.”
***
“Over here,” Maddie said, dragging Josie down the hall.
“Where are we going?” Josie asked.
“You’ll see,” Maddie laughed.
“I don’t think this is what the teacher meant when she said we could split up to talk quietly,” Josie said.
“In here.” Maddie squeezed between two walls, a narrow hallway that looked like it technically shouldn’t even be there.
When the two got to the end of the narrow pass, they found a small room with a mosaic that covered the entire wall. Josie stared in awe at the image of a woman dressed all in blue, holding a baby with a glowing sun behind her head.
“Where are we?” Josie asked.
“There used to be a library here but after some remodeling it got squished when they expanded some offices this way.” Maddie said.
“It’s beautiful,” Josie said.
“Last year,” Maddie sat down and explained. “I got lost and scared. And I wet my pants. I was afraid of being yelled at, so I ran and I hid and I found this place. I sat here in silence, happy for the first time in a long time. By the time I got up the courage to go and face running out in the middle of class, I was dry.”
“Do your parents yell at you a lot?” Josie asked.
“They used to,” Maddie said. “And then they died.”
“Oh.” Josie knew the proper response was, “I’m sorry,” but it wasn’t her thing to say that. Why was she apologizing? She didn’t do anything. She didn’t kill anyone’s parents.
“Zoey is my cousin,” Maddie went on, “I live with her now. After I moved in I started wetting the bed a lot. I used to do it when I was younger too, but I stopped because my parents yelled at me whenever I peed my pants. I was always afraid Zoey’s mom would do that so I stopped.”
“What do you mean,” Josie asked, “stopped?”
“No water after dinner,” Maddie said, “an alarm for after I go to bed. And I went to the bathroom every time I got a chance. But...”
Maddie stopped.
“But?” Josie asked.
“Part of me always wondered,” Maddie said. “I saw commercials for Pull-Ups and Goodnites. Zoey’s mom babysat for a few toddlers over the summer. The freedom of being able to go whenever, not worry about an accident. So technically, no, I don’t like diapers”
Maddie took a breath, “But I’m curious to try them out. So… I was wondering-”
“Diapers aren’t that great,” Josie said. “They’re fun and freeing but after a while the novelty goes away and it becomes more of a hassle than it’s worth. I saw diapers destroy more lives than they saved.”
“But they still saved lives?” Maddie asked.
Josie didn’t answer at first. “After a while, my sister stopped wearing them for fun and started wearing them because she had to. She got dependent on them and relied on them. And now… That’s why I wear them. Not because I want to, but because I have to. And I wouldn’t wish that on anyone else.”
“But-”
“Trust me,” Josie said, “Diapers aren’t worth it.”
Josie stood up and was about to leave.
“Why did you show Neville?”
Josie stopped. She turned around and said, “Honestly, that kid’s a mystery. I didn’t think anyone would believe him if he told them, and I knew once he saw what was really there he’d be too shocked to tell anyone anyway.”
“I saw your face when you showed him,” Maddie said. “You liked it. You liked showing him and you liked showing me. I think you put on this act about hating diapers. Sure it sucks that you have to wear them but you still get to. Why not make the best of a bad situation?”
Josie sighed. “You sure about this? Once you take this next step there’s no turning back. I mean… There is, obviously. You could just stop wearing them early on. But I wasn’t kidding. There is a chance diapers could make your life better, but they could just as easily screw everything up.”
“My parents died and my cousin thinks she needs to save me from everyone and everything,” Maddie said, “My life is already screwed up. If diapers grant me even one bit of happiness I’ll take the one bit of pain it comes with.”
Maddie nodded.
“Great,” Josie said. “Come over after school to work on the diorama. We’ll go from there.”
“I have cheerleading after school,” Maddie said.
“Then, I don’t know!” Josie said. Josie got up and added, “We’ll figure it out,” as she headed back to the rest of the school.
Maddie smiled.
***
“I hope you’re happy,” Zoey said. “I thought I’d take Andromeda because Josie picked you but Andromeda was already with Violet, freak for a freak I guess, and so who did I get stuck with? Neville! The freakiest of all freaks! Why did you have to go and partner up with Josie anyway?”
As the two stood by the school, waiting for their ride, Maddie listened to every single word her cousin said.
“Honestly, Madeline,” Zoey said, “All I want is to try and protect you and you repay me like this?”
“Maddie,” Maddie said.
“What?”
“My name is Maddie. And I don’t need protection.”