CHAPTER 1The morning light woke Abigail Sheppard at six in the morning. She was an early riser by necessity. Her morning routine was intense, considering beauty sleep is just a phrase and perfection takes time and effort. Abigail woke every morning to a physical workout, usually accompanied by a rehearsal of her latest dance, followed by a beautification process where she basically had to sit still for an hour while her mother covered Abigail’s face with makeup and filled her hair with chemicals.
On this particular morning, Abigail had been given the chance to bypass her usual pre-breakfast procedures due to her sleepover with Susie. Even though the Thanksgiving pageant was a week away, Abigail had managed to persuade her mother into giving her half the weekend off to be an actual kid for once. It was nice to escape the cruel tutelage of morning dance practice, but it came at a price.
Abigail forced the sleep away from her and slowly crawled out of bed, so as to not awaken Susie. She snuck off into the bathroom, taking her bag with her, and locked the door behind her.
Bypassing her night gown, Abigail took off her compression shorts first, and then undid the sides of her Goodnite. She placed the accursed thing into a plastic bag, wrapped it up until it was airtight, and then repeated the process with two more bags. She stashed that at the bottom of her bag with her compression shorts and then pulled out, from a hidden compartment, an unopened pack of baby wipes.
Abigail used half the pack to wipe herself down, and then flushed the evidence away. She proceeded with the abrigded version of her beautification process, which was basically an average kid’s morning routine. Abigail got dressed, brushed her teeth, and combed her hair.
Susie was up and stretching when Abigail returned from the bathroom. “Up already?” Susie yawned.
Abigail wiggled to remind herself that she was finally wearing panties again. She nodded and said, “I’m used to getting up early.”
* * *
It had been a banner year for Abigail Shepard.
It all began when she and her mother went to the store for a routine shopping trip. Abigail had been sent off to get her own Pull-Ups, as Debra refused to be seen down that aisle. As if Abigail was excited to go there.
Abigail made sure no one saw her enter the diaper section, but failed to miss her own cousin crouching down right in front of Abigail’s size. Fear and nervousness instantly set in. Abigail felt her bladder shrinking, she had kept her own secret for so long and did not want to blow her cover right then and there. She was going to be found out, ridiculed, humiliated, kicked out of the family and run out of town.
The anxiety swelled inside her, and Abigail felt a few droplets of pee moisten her underwear, she felt her life was over right then and there.
And then Abigail realized that it was Emma who had been caught in the act. Not caring as to why Emma was looking at Pull-Ups, Abigail quickly turned this into insult fodder, pulling out the curse words as she confronted her cousin.
Abigail wandered back to her mother and claimed they were out of her size until she saw Emma leave, and then went back to “check” again. When she returned with the package that her mother asked for in the first place, Abigail was given a brief scolding on looking harder and not wasting time.
When they returned home, Abigail’s mother discovered the slight wetness on her daughter’s underpants. Fury filled her eyes, followed by shouting and even a single slap so hard Abigail fell to the floor and emptied the rest of her bladder on her brand new, bright pink carpet.
Abigail cried herself to sleep that night. She should’ve just let Emma discover the truth, then she could crawl in a hole somewhere and die. That would be an easier life to live.
After that, Abigail felt that her secret was being compromised again and again. Had she grown sloppy at hiding it, or were others just lucky enough to stumble upon her embarrassing double life? She could probably manage better if she wasn’t also worrying about dance and pageants and being her mother’s best.
The stress made her have to wear diapers. Wearing diapers made her stressed. Factor that her body was changing as she aged, and those Pull-Ups weren’t doing the trick anymore.
When Abigail had her first massive leak and nearly damaged her expensive mattress and Egyptian sheets, her mother sought an old wive’s tale and borrowed baking soda from Emma’s mother. And it was Emma who had actually come over to pick it up afterwards. Abigail hated her cousin, but grew to fear her when she saw Emma step out of Abigail’s bathroom, where a pack of her Pull-Ups had been sitting out on the floor for all to see.
For a second, Abigail thought that Emma had stolen one of the Pull-ups. She couldn’t remember how many were in the package before Emma arrived. She would just die if Emma took one to show all of her little friends how much of a baby her cousin was. After that, Abigail began hiding her shame even while she was in her own home.
When her new best friend Susie came to town and started asking about Penny, Abigail remembered vaguely that Penny herself had a few bladder issues in her past. Abigail got her own secrets off her chest, but used Penny’s name to secure her position in the status quo. But a new friend meant the risks of being caught were higher. Abigail was thankful that her compression shorts managed to contain the noise of a crinkly Pull-Up, which soon became a crinkly Goodnite as her body changed even more and the leaks continued.
The start of dance classes added to the pressure. Nearly every lesson Abigail found herself rushing to the bathroom at breaks. With every pirouette she felt as though she might wet her leotard right there in front of everyone.
She picked a good day to start changing into a Goodnite after each class. While they were designed to absorb when the wearer was laying down in bed, they work all the same after the wearer is punched in the face and knocked to the floor.
The punch didn’t even hurt that much, Nicole was brave but she wasn't exactly a good puncher. The real reason Abigail burst into tears that day was because she felt herself peeing like a baby and, even though no one could tell, all of their eyes were on her.
Abigail felt most vulnerable when Mimi came over. As soon as the two walked in her room, Abigail remembered that her closet was open and her Goodnites were simply sitting right in there. She quickly threw the first object she could into the closet as an excuse to close it. Abigail actually liked Mimi, for some reason. She felt like she could actually trust her with her secret. At this point, she felt like she just needed to tell someone.
She had been scared, slapped, punched, and nearly broken. Her world was ending around her and all she wanted to do was let it all out. But she knew she had to be her best, a perfect princess, no matter the costs.
It had been a banner year for Abigail Shepard.
CHAPTER 2Abigail envied Nicole. Although she’d never admit it, Abigail saw Nicole as the superior dancer, the best in their class. With Nicole gone, Abigail had taken the spot she always wanted as the center of the stage. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, Abigail truly was the princess she made herself out to be.
But in truth, Abigail missed Nicole. Her absence was more of a distraction than her actually being there in the first place. Abigail didn’t even like dance, but it did offer her the perk of being able to insult Nicole to her face. With that element gone, Abigail was left in her mind to worry about everything she had on her plate.
The Thanksgiving pageant was just days away. On top of her regular dance classes, Abigail had to deal with the stress of learning a new routine, as well was the usual baggage of being Miss Congeniality. Abigail had to keep up her posture, her smile, and her all around pleasantness if she wanted to impress the judges. Controlling her bladder was trivial compared to the importance of showing off her pearly whites.
Not to mention school work. If Abigail ever got as much as a B, there would be no more dance, no pageants, and no Ivy Leage. Not that Abigail wanted any of that, it was all her mother’s wishes. But her mother literally scared the piss out of Abigail, so her word was law.
As much as Abigail hated Pull-Ups, she loved them for the fact that she had one less thing to worry about. She could be the person her mother wanted her to be without having to worry about having an accident.
It was a miracle that it hadn’t happened yet. Being unprotected at dance class increased her stress level, and yet she had gone her whole life without letting her little secret leak.
But today, as Abigail twirled around with all eyes on her, she was certain that in any single moment she would be in a rather wet leotard.
After finishing the routine, Abigail assumed the third position of the potty dance. She was one of the best dancers in class, the oldest one there. There was no way she was peeing in her pants today.
“Alright girls,” the instructor said. Abigail gleefully awaited the break. “Now then. Let’s go one more time.”
The music started up, and Abigail wanted to start crying. With every graceful move of her body, Abigail could feel her the pressure in her bladder looking for a release. She wasn’t even going to bother waiting for the break. She was now thinking about when the most strategic time to wet herself would be.
Miraculously, Abigail made it through the dance, and her much needed break was awarded. She casually carried her watermelon-sized bladder into the bathroom, where she made it just in time.
After the class was over, Abigail returned to the bathroom again.
* * *
“Alright,” Debra said as she pulled the car into the driveway. “You have ten minutes to get ready.”
“What’s for dinner?” Abigail asked.
“Your father and I had chicken cordon bleu while you were at class,” her mother said. “It was delicious.”
Abigail’s stomach growled. “But-”
“You don’t have time to eat,” Debra said, “You need the extra practice on your routine for the Thanksgiving Pageant. Plus you need to be able to fit in your costume and I think you’ve gained a little bit of fat since we measured for it.”
Those words stung Abigail. Not only was she starving as she hadn’t eaten since she had the small fruit and crackers her mother packed her for lunch, but he mother didn’t say that she gained weight or was putting on some extra pounds. She said “fat” which Abigail had never been called before.
Abigail undressed in her bathroom and tossed her leotard in the hamper. She entered her bedroom, naked, and found her mother in there setting up their rehearsal with the iPod hooked up to the speaker and her work out clothes laid out on her bed. The last part shocked Abigail.
“What is that for?” she asked.
Her mom looked over and saw Abigail pointing to the Goodnite that was next to the work out clothes. “Oh, that?” her mom asked. “I just figured that since we were so pressed for time we should work extra hard tonight. That means you can’t be taking a break every half an hour.”
Abigail froze for a moment, then nodded and started putting on the Goodnite.
She hadn’t worn them during the day in a while. And this particular instance wasn’t because there was a chance of her having an “accident.” Her mother fully intended for Abigail to pee herself, on purpose, simply because it was more convenient for her.
After putting on the rest of her outfit, Abigail awaited her mother’s instructions, and began her rehearsal.
CHAPTER 3On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, Abigail’s mom went to pick up the costume for the paegent, which was a full bladder’s worth of a car trip away. This meant Abigail was left alone for the entirety of the afternoon. As homework was scarce during holiday weeks, there wasn’t much to do. Not wanting to waste her last stress-free day of the week sitting around, Abigail went to find her newest (and only) friend.
When Abigail knocked on the Young family’s front door, she was told by Susie’s older sister that Susie could be found over at Emma’s house.
This confused and infuriated Abigail. Why was it that Susie constantly associated herself with those younger kids? Anger turned to fear as Susie suddenly came to the realization that the only logical explanation for Susie’s actions was that she discovered Abigail’s secret and was off blabbing it to the entire fourth grade.
Hoping to prove herself wrong, Abigail rushed over to her cousin’s house.
* * *
“Oh, hello there, Abigail!” Aunt Anne said when she found her one and only niece at her front door. “Emma and Susie are playing together upstairs in Emma’s room, go on up!”
Abigail smiled her fake smile, saying, “Thank you, Auntie Anne!” before graciously making her way up the steps.
Abigail marched up to Emma’s room and in the door knob, but it was locked tight. Abigail began knocking nicely saying, “Excuse me, Emma, may I please come in?”
There was silence behind the door until a tiny voice asked, “Abigail? What are you doing here?”
“I heard Susie was over here,” Abigail said, “I’d like to speak with her.”
“Can it wait?” Susie’s voice chimed in.
“Not necessarily,” Abigail said.
“Hold on,” Emma said.
There was some shuffling behind the door, Abigail couldn’t make out what was happening. She pressed her ear up against the wall and listened in. She could swear she heard one of them utter the word “Pull-Up” followed by giggleing. Abigail’s heart began to pound, she suddenly found herself wishing she was wearing a Pull-Up. If they’d already caught her, it was a fate no worse than wetting herself in front of them.
The door opened, and the two girls stood in Emma’s bedroom standing perfectly still with their hands folded in front of them. “Yes?” they both asked in unison.
“Susie,” Abigail said as she examined the situation. “I went to your house looking for you. I thought maybe you’d want to hang out?”
“Well,” Susie looked at Abigail, then Emma, then back to Abigail. “I’m kind of already hanging out with Emma.”
“Emma?” Abigail asked, seemingly dumbfounded. “You would rather hang out with a fourth grader than me? I thought we were friends?”
“We are,” Susie said, “But I can be friends with both of you. Emma just called me over before you.”
“I see,” Abigail said.
“You can stay and hang out with us,” Susie said, looking to Emma for reassurance, “Right?”
“Well,” Emma started.
“Save it,” Abigail said. “If you want to play with little kids, that’s fine by me.” Abigail turned and began walking away.
“Abigail, wait,” Susie moved toward her, and Abigail heard a crinkle.
That proved it. Emma and Susie had stolen one of Abigail’s Goodnites and were probably calling the whole town to tell them about it”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Abigail said as she left.
* * *
After a few hours of relaxing in her room with some books, Abigail’s mother came in with the costume, a tight leotard with Autumn colored leaves around the neck and wrists, a simple costume, nothing too fancy. Naturally they paid over a thousand dollars for it.
“Try it on,” her mother said, “Let’s see how it fits.”
Abigail complied and stripped down to her underwear, preparing to try on the costume.
“Before you do that,” Debra said, “Why don’t you visit the restroom.”
Now Abigail was more than insulted, she was offended. “I’m just going to try it on, it’ll take two minutes.”
“Let’s not take any chances though, shall we?” her mom asked.
Abigail cried as she emptied her bladder on the toilet. Her mother didn’t trust her to go two minutes without having an accident. Abigail was in the sixth grade and knew that her daytime accidents were not only rare, but they were caused by the stress her mother was putting her through. It wasn’t her fault, but that’s how it felt some time.
CHAPTER 4“What do you want me to apologize for?” Susie asked.
“You were playing games with Emma when you should’ve been spending time with me,” Abigail said.
It was Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving and the pageant. Susie had ignored Abigail all day and after school the two finally started talking. It did not go well.
“Look,” Susie said, “I’m sorry that Emma called me first, if you wanted to hang out you could’ve stayed with us.”
“Oh yeah,” Abigail said. “Like I would want to play dolls with some kid.”
“She is not that much younger than us,” Susie said. “Why are you so horrible with them? They’re good kids.”
“Yeah, sure, whatever.” Abigail said. She knew that if they didn’t blab about her Goodnites yet, they probably didn’t actually know anything. And so Abigail felt no problems jabbing at Susie. Being mean was the only thing that helped her cope with the stress.
“Oh, please,” Susie said, “It’s not my fault you don’t have any other friends.”
Abigail’s eyes widened. A crowd was forming around them.
“What?” Abigail asked.
“Admit it,” Susie said, “You wouldn’t know what to do without me. nobody else likes you. I don’t even like you that much.”
“Fine!” Abigail shouted, “Well nobody likes you! You’re the weird new girl that hangs out with fourth graders!”
“And your the mean bitch that still wets her bed!”
Silence.
The crowd around them now began to whisper, then snicker, than chuckle.
Abigail wanted to die. It was over. She had been caught. But she knew she had to keep up the facade.
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t try and pretend,” Susie said, “Nobody likes a liar! You think I can’t tell you’re wearing a diaper when you’re sleeping right next to me?”
“You’re imagining things!” Abigail spat back.
“You think I can’t smell it in the morning?” Susie asked.
The chuckles became a roar of laughter. Susie had won the battle, and Abigail had lost the war. Killed in action. She turned around and ran off, tears rolling down her cheeks as everyone began talking.
She no longer had to deal with the stress of keeping it a secret, but the shame of living with it was about to follow.
* * *
“NO WAY!” everyone said.
“It’s true!” Lilly said. “Nick said Danny said his older brother is in Abigail’s class and there was a big fight between her and Susie and Susie said it and Abigail didn’t deny it! She just ran away crying.”
“Wow,” Emma said, thinking about it. “So that means?”
Everyone thought about it to, and they all came to the same realization at the same time.
“ABIGAIL WEARS DIAPERS?”
“What?” Izzy said, running up to the group, late to the party. “How come I’m always the last one to find out.”
“This doesn’t make any sense!” Rena declared.
“I know!” Mimi declared, “How can someone who gets to wear diapers whenever they want be so miserable all the time?”
Everyone nodded. Rena facepalmed. “I don’t understand you people anymore,” she said.
“That explains it!” Lilly delcared. “Nicole! She found out Abigail’s secret and made her disappear.”
“There is no way that is true,” Emma said. “All we know for a fact is that she wears diapers to bed.”
“So Susie found out at a sleepover?” Lilly asked, “And didn’t tell us?”
“It’s none of our business,” Emma said, “Abigail is probably embarrassed about it. It’s not something she can help.”
Izzy nodded.
“But this is the end,” Lilly said, “We beat her!”
“We didn’t do anything,” Emma said.
“But her reign of terror is over!”
“If you say so.”
Everyone stood in silence, taking in everything.
Mimi cleared her throat.
“Oh, right!” Emma said. She dropped her backpack and unzipped it. “Who wants one?” she asked as she started removing Pull-Ups.”
“Me!!!” Mimi squeeled as she started unbuttoning her jeans.
Lilly slapped her hand and said, “Not here, Mimi. God.”
CHAPTER 5The light of the Thanksgiving sun rose and cast itself upon Abigail’s defeated body. She lay there on her bed, without a blanket in nothing but a large, old t-shirt and an oversaturated Goodnite.
“Good morning, sunshine!”
Abigail looked up, it was her father who came to greet her.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?” He asked as he sat down on her bed, already able to tell that she wasn’t in the best of moods.
“Everyone at school,” she said, “They know about…” Abigail looked down at her shameful secret.
“Sweetie,” Abigail’s father pulled her in for a hug and kissed her on the forehead. “This is just a part of growing up. Lots of kids go through this, and you know what? This is just middle school. Everyone will forget this by high school and if not you’ll go off to college where no one knows who you are and that’s where your life really begins. I don’t even remember the people in my middle school class.”
“Really?” Abigail looked up, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“I think there was this guy named Anthony,” her dad said.
“What about him?”
“I don’t remember. And neither will anyone in your class.”
Abigail smiles for a second. “What if I never stop. what if I have to wear these my whole life?”
“What you wear to bed is your own business,” her dad said, “And most of that time you’re asleep. It’s what you do during the day that people remember, that’s what defines who you are. Einstein, Washington, Scorsese, they all accomplished great things when they were awake. That’s what matters.”
As her father wiped the last tear from her face, Abigail’s mother stormed in and said, “Come on, you should’ve been in the shower five minutes ago. We only have four hours left to rehearse. And you need it.”
After Debra left, Abigail looked up at her father who shrugged and said, “She used to be so nice.”
* * *
Abigail arrived backstage at the pageant where her mother was thankfully not allowed. Unfortunately for Abigail, the rest of the would be beauty queens were there.
“Well, well, well,” Tabitha Moran walked right up to her and said, “I didn’t think you’d show.
“Hello, Tabitha,” Abigail did not make eye contact.
“Do you need to go potty first?” Tabitha asked. “It’s going to be a long pageant and we wouldn’t want any accidents. Or did mommy remember your diapers today?”
Tabitha and her goons laughed and walked off. Abigail considered dropping everything and running away. She turned around and saw quite possibly the strangest site she’d ever see.”
“Hiya!”
Abigail turned her head and squinted. “What… the… Nicole?”
Nicole waved and smiled. Her hair was done up in big poofy pigtails, her face covered in ridiculous make-up, and her dress was a shade of dark blue that totally didn’t go with the autumn theme.
“Don’t let meanies make fun of you,” Nicole said. “Nothin’ wrong with diapers. See!” Nicole lifted up her dress, showing off to anyone who was looking in their direction that she was wearing a big, white, fluffy baby diaper.
“What happened to you?” Abigail asked.
“Miss Kathy did it!” Nicole motioned to her hair. “You like it?”
As Abigail examined the tacky glitter in Nicole’s hair, the large tutu surrounding her and the already damp diaper between her legs, Abigail felt for the first time like she was looking in the mirror and could see her own reflection.
And she looked practically insane.
“Nice seeing you,” Abigail said as she turned around and took her place in line.
* * *
As the announcer introduced the girls one by one, Abigail felt herself calming down and relaxing a bit. She still had to keep her fake smile, give fake interview answers about world peace, and as long as she didn’t run around the stage in circles like Nicole she was guaranteed to not come in last place.
But with Abigail being Debra Shepard’s daughter, anything less than first place was not going to cut it. And that meant nailing her dance routine.
When Abigail was called out for her turn alone on the stage, she looked out beyond the stage and into the audience. Before her sat the entire town of Harmony Hills. Among her cousins and all of their little friends, she spotted Susie and the rest of their class that now knew her secret, and she spotted her mother, eyes filled with fury that shouted, “Don’t screw this up,” as she didn’t even blink.
Abigail composed herself. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them. However, instead of going into the dance routine she had practices multiple times a day for months, Abigail froze in place as the music began to play. Thousands of eyes were staring at her and all she could do was stare right back at them.
Abigail suddenly asked herself, “Did I pee first?” Whether or not the answer was yes or no, Abigail’s bladder felt it was the perfect time to empty itself. At first she didn’t even notice, but then she could instantly feel the warmth spreading between her legs and she knew without looking that her beige leotard was quickly changing into a dark brown at a rather implicating spot.
She felt a trickle of warmth around her ankles. She looked down at the puddle forming beneath her toes. Looking back out at the crowd, she could see faces laughing and holding up phones that flashed with a camera light. But Abigail didn’t hear the laughter, she didn’t even hear the music anymore. She felt her heart beat a few times.
She saw the lights above her. She felt the stage at the back of her head. And then things went dark.
CHAPTER 6Abigail woke in a somewhat unfamiliar location. The lights were on, so she was slowly able to get her barings and realize where she was. She sat up and confirmed that she was in Emma’s bed, in Emma’s room, in Emma’s house.
Abigail looked down at what she was wearing, one of Emma’s old t-shirts and a Pull-Up. Not a lavender Goodnite with butterflies and stars on it, but a bright pink Pull-Up with a Disney Princess on it. Where did that come from, Abigail wondered. She was thankful that it was at least dry.
Abigail stepped off of the bed as the door opened. Suddenly remembering everything that happened, Abigail recoiled backwards in fear, never wanting to face her mother again. But luckily for her the person at the door was not her mother. It was Anne, her aunt, Emma’s mother.
“Oh, you’re awake.”
Abigail nodded.
“Are you okay?”
“Where’s my mom?” Abigail asked.
Anne clearly didn’t want to say anything. “She had to take care of a few things.”
Abigail knew that code all to well. Her mother never needed to take care of anything, but if her only daughter ever disappointed her she would always disappear for some time. Sometimes hours, sometimes days.
“She left your dress for dinner,” Aunt Anne said, “and your dad is downstairs too with everyone else.”
Abigail looked down at her Pull-Up, still confused by it’s existence.
“You can take that off now,” her aunt said, “If you want. You don’t have to keep it on if you don’t want to. I mean… If you think you’re going to have an-”
“I’ll keep it on,” Abigail said.
“Okay then,” Anne said, “I’ll give you some privacy. Come down when you’re ready.”
* * *
There was a brief moment of silence as Abigail made her way down the steps. In the kitchen stood her aunt and uncle, and her father. Abigail smiled at her dad, the only sign he needed to know that she was ok. After that she went toward the living room, where Emma was watching the parade, and sat down next to her cousin.
“It’s a little tight,” she said.
“What is?” Emma asked.
“You know what,” Abigail said. “I know what it smells like and I could smell it on your bed. And it’s too big to be Josie’s.”
“Oh,” Emma said, looking away for a second.
“Relax,” Abigail sat back, “I’m not gonna go tell anyone. I know how much it sucks for everyone to know.”
“Thanks,” Emma said.
“So,” Abigail sighed, “I guess it runs in the family, huh?”
Emma didn’t say anything for a moment, she could’ve let it slide, she and her cousin would probably be better off if they left it at that. Abigail rarely even admitted that they were family. But Emma was a good person, and she knew what lying has done to people in the past, and so she confessed.
“Not exactly,” Emma said. “I mean I do wear them at night, and sometimes during the day. But… Not because I have to.”
Abigail asked, “Then… why?” Emma's words were confusing to her.
Emma half shrugged, “I just… like to. I like the way it feels to wear one, to wet one when it’s warm, and to just sit around like that. It makes me feel young again, like we’re not growing up so fast. It’s comforting, you know?”
Emma looked over at Abigail and found her cousin’s eyes filled with fury and rage.
“So,” Abigail said, “It’s just for fun?”
“Yes,” Emma said, “But I do know how you feel.”
“You could stop wearing them whenever you wanted, right?” Abigail asked, not expecting an answer. “You could wake up one day and decide that diapers aren’t cool anymore and never have to wear one again?”
“Well-”
“Well I can’t,” Abigail said, “I hate wearing these things. You don't know how I feel. And the fact that you like them is an insult worse than anything I’ve ever done to you.”
Emma realized the truth in what her cousin had said. She had first hurt her own best friend Penny, and now her own flesh and blood. “Abigail, I’m sorry,” Emma said.
Abigail sat up as she said, “Don’t ever speak to me again.” With that, Abigail stood up and waddled away.
On this particular morning, Abigail had been given the chance to bypass her usual pre-breakfast procedures due to her sleepover with Susie. Even though the Thanksgiving pageant was a week away, Abigail had managed to persuade her mother into giving her half the weekend off to be an actual kid for once. It was nice to escape the cruel tutelage of morning dance practice, but it came at a price.
Abigail forced the sleep away from her and slowly crawled out of bed, so as to not awaken Susie. She snuck off into the bathroom, taking her bag with her, and locked the door behind her.
Bypassing her night gown, Abigail took off her compression shorts first, and then undid the sides of her Goodnite. She placed the accursed thing into a plastic bag, wrapped it up until it was airtight, and then repeated the process with two more bags. She stashed that at the bottom of her bag with her compression shorts and then pulled out, from a hidden compartment, an unopened pack of baby wipes.
Abigail used half the pack to wipe herself down, and then flushed the evidence away. She proceeded with the abrigded version of her beautification process, which was basically an average kid’s morning routine. Abigail got dressed, brushed her teeth, and combed her hair.
Susie was up and stretching when Abigail returned from the bathroom. “Up already?” Susie yawned.
Abigail wiggled to remind herself that she was finally wearing panties again. She nodded and said, “I’m used to getting up early.”
* * *
It had been a banner year for Abigail Shepard.
It all began when she and her mother went to the store for a routine shopping trip. Abigail had been sent off to get her own Pull-Ups, as Debra refused to be seen down that aisle. As if Abigail was excited to go there.
Abigail made sure no one saw her enter the diaper section, but failed to miss her own cousin crouching down right in front of Abigail’s size. Fear and nervousness instantly set in. Abigail felt her bladder shrinking, she had kept her own secret for so long and did not want to blow her cover right then and there. She was going to be found out, ridiculed, humiliated, kicked out of the family and run out of town.
The anxiety swelled inside her, and Abigail felt a few droplets of pee moisten her underwear, she felt her life was over right then and there.
And then Abigail realized that it was Emma who had been caught in the act. Not caring as to why Emma was looking at Pull-Ups, Abigail quickly turned this into insult fodder, pulling out the curse words as she confronted her cousin.
Abigail wandered back to her mother and claimed they were out of her size until she saw Emma leave, and then went back to “check” again. When she returned with the package that her mother asked for in the first place, Abigail was given a brief scolding on looking harder and not wasting time.
When they returned home, Abigail’s mother discovered the slight wetness on her daughter’s underpants. Fury filled her eyes, followed by shouting and even a single slap so hard Abigail fell to the floor and emptied the rest of her bladder on her brand new, bright pink carpet.
Abigail cried herself to sleep that night. She should’ve just let Emma discover the truth, then she could crawl in a hole somewhere and die. That would be an easier life to live.
After that, Abigail felt that her secret was being compromised again and again. Had she grown sloppy at hiding it, or were others just lucky enough to stumble upon her embarrassing double life? She could probably manage better if she wasn’t also worrying about dance and pageants and being her mother’s best.
The stress made her have to wear diapers. Wearing diapers made her stressed. Factor that her body was changing as she aged, and those Pull-Ups weren’t doing the trick anymore.
When Abigail had her first massive leak and nearly damaged her expensive mattress and Egyptian sheets, her mother sought an old wive’s tale and borrowed baking soda from Emma’s mother. And it was Emma who had actually come over to pick it up afterwards. Abigail hated her cousin, but grew to fear her when she saw Emma step out of Abigail’s bathroom, where a pack of her Pull-Ups had been sitting out on the floor for all to see.
For a second, Abigail thought that Emma had stolen one of the Pull-ups. She couldn’t remember how many were in the package before Emma arrived. She would just die if Emma took one to show all of her little friends how much of a baby her cousin was. After that, Abigail began hiding her shame even while she was in her own home.
When her new best friend Susie came to town and started asking about Penny, Abigail remembered vaguely that Penny herself had a few bladder issues in her past. Abigail got her own secrets off her chest, but used Penny’s name to secure her position in the status quo. But a new friend meant the risks of being caught were higher. Abigail was thankful that her compression shorts managed to contain the noise of a crinkly Pull-Up, which soon became a crinkly Goodnite as her body changed even more and the leaks continued.
The start of dance classes added to the pressure. Nearly every lesson Abigail found herself rushing to the bathroom at breaks. With every pirouette she felt as though she might wet her leotard right there in front of everyone.
She picked a good day to start changing into a Goodnite after each class. While they were designed to absorb when the wearer was laying down in bed, they work all the same after the wearer is punched in the face and knocked to the floor.
The punch didn’t even hurt that much, Nicole was brave but she wasn't exactly a good puncher. The real reason Abigail burst into tears that day was because she felt herself peeing like a baby and, even though no one could tell, all of their eyes were on her.
Abigail felt most vulnerable when Mimi came over. As soon as the two walked in her room, Abigail remembered that her closet was open and her Goodnites were simply sitting right in there. She quickly threw the first object she could into the closet as an excuse to close it. Abigail actually liked Mimi, for some reason. She felt like she could actually trust her with her secret. At this point, she felt like she just needed to tell someone.
She had been scared, slapped, punched, and nearly broken. Her world was ending around her and all she wanted to do was let it all out. But she knew she had to be her best, a perfect princess, no matter the costs.
It had been a banner year for Abigail Shepard.
CHAPTER 2Abigail envied Nicole. Although she’d never admit it, Abigail saw Nicole as the superior dancer, the best in their class. With Nicole gone, Abigail had taken the spot she always wanted as the center of the stage. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, Abigail truly was the princess she made herself out to be.
But in truth, Abigail missed Nicole. Her absence was more of a distraction than her actually being there in the first place. Abigail didn’t even like dance, but it did offer her the perk of being able to insult Nicole to her face. With that element gone, Abigail was left in her mind to worry about everything she had on her plate.
The Thanksgiving pageant was just days away. On top of her regular dance classes, Abigail had to deal with the stress of learning a new routine, as well was the usual baggage of being Miss Congeniality. Abigail had to keep up her posture, her smile, and her all around pleasantness if she wanted to impress the judges. Controlling her bladder was trivial compared to the importance of showing off her pearly whites.
Not to mention school work. If Abigail ever got as much as a B, there would be no more dance, no pageants, and no Ivy Leage. Not that Abigail wanted any of that, it was all her mother’s wishes. But her mother literally scared the piss out of Abigail, so her word was law.
As much as Abigail hated Pull-Ups, she loved them for the fact that she had one less thing to worry about. She could be the person her mother wanted her to be without having to worry about having an accident.
It was a miracle that it hadn’t happened yet. Being unprotected at dance class increased her stress level, and yet she had gone her whole life without letting her little secret leak.
But today, as Abigail twirled around with all eyes on her, she was certain that in any single moment she would be in a rather wet leotard.
After finishing the routine, Abigail assumed the third position of the potty dance. She was one of the best dancers in class, the oldest one there. There was no way she was peeing in her pants today.
“Alright girls,” the instructor said. Abigail gleefully awaited the break. “Now then. Let’s go one more time.”
The music started up, and Abigail wanted to start crying. With every graceful move of her body, Abigail could feel her the pressure in her bladder looking for a release. She wasn’t even going to bother waiting for the break. She was now thinking about when the most strategic time to wet herself would be.
Miraculously, Abigail made it through the dance, and her much needed break was awarded. She casually carried her watermelon-sized bladder into the bathroom, where she made it just in time.
After the class was over, Abigail returned to the bathroom again.
* * *
“Alright,” Debra said as she pulled the car into the driveway. “You have ten minutes to get ready.”
“What’s for dinner?” Abigail asked.
“Your father and I had chicken cordon bleu while you were at class,” her mother said. “It was delicious.”
Abigail’s stomach growled. “But-”
“You don’t have time to eat,” Debra said, “You need the extra practice on your routine for the Thanksgiving Pageant. Plus you need to be able to fit in your costume and I think you’ve gained a little bit of fat since we measured for it.”
Those words stung Abigail. Not only was she starving as she hadn’t eaten since she had the small fruit and crackers her mother packed her for lunch, but he mother didn’t say that she gained weight or was putting on some extra pounds. She said “fat” which Abigail had never been called before.
Abigail undressed in her bathroom and tossed her leotard in the hamper. She entered her bedroom, naked, and found her mother in there setting up their rehearsal with the iPod hooked up to the speaker and her work out clothes laid out on her bed. The last part shocked Abigail.
“What is that for?” she asked.
Her mom looked over and saw Abigail pointing to the Goodnite that was next to the work out clothes. “Oh, that?” her mom asked. “I just figured that since we were so pressed for time we should work extra hard tonight. That means you can’t be taking a break every half an hour.”
Abigail froze for a moment, then nodded and started putting on the Goodnite.
She hadn’t worn them during the day in a while. And this particular instance wasn’t because there was a chance of her having an “accident.” Her mother fully intended for Abigail to pee herself, on purpose, simply because it was more convenient for her.
After putting on the rest of her outfit, Abigail awaited her mother’s instructions, and began her rehearsal.
CHAPTER 3On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, Abigail’s mom went to pick up the costume for the paegent, which was a full bladder’s worth of a car trip away. This meant Abigail was left alone for the entirety of the afternoon. As homework was scarce during holiday weeks, there wasn’t much to do. Not wanting to waste her last stress-free day of the week sitting around, Abigail went to find her newest (and only) friend.
When Abigail knocked on the Young family’s front door, she was told by Susie’s older sister that Susie could be found over at Emma’s house.
This confused and infuriated Abigail. Why was it that Susie constantly associated herself with those younger kids? Anger turned to fear as Susie suddenly came to the realization that the only logical explanation for Susie’s actions was that she discovered Abigail’s secret and was off blabbing it to the entire fourth grade.
Hoping to prove herself wrong, Abigail rushed over to her cousin’s house.
* * *
“Oh, hello there, Abigail!” Aunt Anne said when she found her one and only niece at her front door. “Emma and Susie are playing together upstairs in Emma’s room, go on up!”
Abigail smiled her fake smile, saying, “Thank you, Auntie Anne!” before graciously making her way up the steps.
Abigail marched up to Emma’s room and in the door knob, but it was locked tight. Abigail began knocking nicely saying, “Excuse me, Emma, may I please come in?”
There was silence behind the door until a tiny voice asked, “Abigail? What are you doing here?”
“I heard Susie was over here,” Abigail said, “I’d like to speak with her.”
“Can it wait?” Susie’s voice chimed in.
“Not necessarily,” Abigail said.
“Hold on,” Emma said.
There was some shuffling behind the door, Abigail couldn’t make out what was happening. She pressed her ear up against the wall and listened in. She could swear she heard one of them utter the word “Pull-Up” followed by giggleing. Abigail’s heart began to pound, she suddenly found herself wishing she was wearing a Pull-Up. If they’d already caught her, it was a fate no worse than wetting herself in front of them.
The door opened, and the two girls stood in Emma’s bedroom standing perfectly still with their hands folded in front of them. “Yes?” they both asked in unison.
“Susie,” Abigail said as she examined the situation. “I went to your house looking for you. I thought maybe you’d want to hang out?”
“Well,” Susie looked at Abigail, then Emma, then back to Abigail. “I’m kind of already hanging out with Emma.”
“Emma?” Abigail asked, seemingly dumbfounded. “You would rather hang out with a fourth grader than me? I thought we were friends?”
“We are,” Susie said, “But I can be friends with both of you. Emma just called me over before you.”
“I see,” Abigail said.
“You can stay and hang out with us,” Susie said, looking to Emma for reassurance, “Right?”
“Well,” Emma started.
“Save it,” Abigail said. “If you want to play with little kids, that’s fine by me.” Abigail turned and began walking away.
“Abigail, wait,” Susie moved toward her, and Abigail heard a crinkle.
That proved it. Emma and Susie had stolen one of Abigail’s Goodnites and were probably calling the whole town to tell them about it”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Abigail said as she left.
* * *
After a few hours of relaxing in her room with some books, Abigail’s mother came in with the costume, a tight leotard with Autumn colored leaves around the neck and wrists, a simple costume, nothing too fancy. Naturally they paid over a thousand dollars for it.
“Try it on,” her mother said, “Let’s see how it fits.”
Abigail complied and stripped down to her underwear, preparing to try on the costume.
“Before you do that,” Debra said, “Why don’t you visit the restroom.”
Now Abigail was more than insulted, she was offended. “I’m just going to try it on, it’ll take two minutes.”
“Let’s not take any chances though, shall we?” her mom asked.
Abigail cried as she emptied her bladder on the toilet. Her mother didn’t trust her to go two minutes without having an accident. Abigail was in the sixth grade and knew that her daytime accidents were not only rare, but they were caused by the stress her mother was putting her through. It wasn’t her fault, but that’s how it felt some time.
CHAPTER 4“What do you want me to apologize for?” Susie asked.
“You were playing games with Emma when you should’ve been spending time with me,” Abigail said.
It was Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving and the pageant. Susie had ignored Abigail all day and after school the two finally started talking. It did not go well.
“Look,” Susie said, “I’m sorry that Emma called me first, if you wanted to hang out you could’ve stayed with us.”
“Oh yeah,” Abigail said. “Like I would want to play dolls with some kid.”
“She is not that much younger than us,” Susie said. “Why are you so horrible with them? They’re good kids.”
“Yeah, sure, whatever.” Abigail said. She knew that if they didn’t blab about her Goodnites yet, they probably didn’t actually know anything. And so Abigail felt no problems jabbing at Susie. Being mean was the only thing that helped her cope with the stress.
“Oh, please,” Susie said, “It’s not my fault you don’t have any other friends.”
Abigail’s eyes widened. A crowd was forming around them.
“What?” Abigail asked.
“Admit it,” Susie said, “You wouldn’t know what to do without me. nobody else likes you. I don’t even like you that much.”
“Fine!” Abigail shouted, “Well nobody likes you! You’re the weird new girl that hangs out with fourth graders!”
“And your the mean bitch that still wets her bed!”
Silence.
The crowd around them now began to whisper, then snicker, than chuckle.
Abigail wanted to die. It was over. She had been caught. But she knew she had to keep up the facade.
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t try and pretend,” Susie said, “Nobody likes a liar! You think I can’t tell you’re wearing a diaper when you’re sleeping right next to me?”
“You’re imagining things!” Abigail spat back.
“You think I can’t smell it in the morning?” Susie asked.
The chuckles became a roar of laughter. Susie had won the battle, and Abigail had lost the war. Killed in action. She turned around and ran off, tears rolling down her cheeks as everyone began talking.
She no longer had to deal with the stress of keeping it a secret, but the shame of living with it was about to follow.
* * *
“NO WAY!” everyone said.
“It’s true!” Lilly said. “Nick said Danny said his older brother is in Abigail’s class and there was a big fight between her and Susie and Susie said it and Abigail didn’t deny it! She just ran away crying.”
“Wow,” Emma said, thinking about it. “So that means?”
Everyone thought about it to, and they all came to the same realization at the same time.
“ABIGAIL WEARS DIAPERS?”
“What?” Izzy said, running up to the group, late to the party. “How come I’m always the last one to find out.”
“This doesn’t make any sense!” Rena declared.
“I know!” Mimi declared, “How can someone who gets to wear diapers whenever they want be so miserable all the time?”
Everyone nodded. Rena facepalmed. “I don’t understand you people anymore,” she said.
“That explains it!” Lilly delcared. “Nicole! She found out Abigail’s secret and made her disappear.”
“There is no way that is true,” Emma said. “All we know for a fact is that she wears diapers to bed.”
“So Susie found out at a sleepover?” Lilly asked, “And didn’t tell us?”
“It’s none of our business,” Emma said, “Abigail is probably embarrassed about it. It’s not something she can help.”
Izzy nodded.
“But this is the end,” Lilly said, “We beat her!”
“We didn’t do anything,” Emma said.
“But her reign of terror is over!”
“If you say so.”
Everyone stood in silence, taking in everything.
Mimi cleared her throat.
“Oh, right!” Emma said. She dropped her backpack and unzipped it. “Who wants one?” she asked as she started removing Pull-Ups.”
“Me!!!” Mimi squeeled as she started unbuttoning her jeans.
Lilly slapped her hand and said, “Not here, Mimi. God.”
CHAPTER 5The light of the Thanksgiving sun rose and cast itself upon Abigail’s defeated body. She lay there on her bed, without a blanket in nothing but a large, old t-shirt and an oversaturated Goodnite.
“Good morning, sunshine!”
Abigail looked up, it was her father who came to greet her.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?” He asked as he sat down on her bed, already able to tell that she wasn’t in the best of moods.
“Everyone at school,” she said, “They know about…” Abigail looked down at her shameful secret.
“Sweetie,” Abigail’s father pulled her in for a hug and kissed her on the forehead. “This is just a part of growing up. Lots of kids go through this, and you know what? This is just middle school. Everyone will forget this by high school and if not you’ll go off to college where no one knows who you are and that’s where your life really begins. I don’t even remember the people in my middle school class.”
“Really?” Abigail looked up, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“I think there was this guy named Anthony,” her dad said.
“What about him?”
“I don’t remember. And neither will anyone in your class.”
Abigail smiles for a second. “What if I never stop. what if I have to wear these my whole life?”
“What you wear to bed is your own business,” her dad said, “And most of that time you’re asleep. It’s what you do during the day that people remember, that’s what defines who you are. Einstein, Washington, Scorsese, they all accomplished great things when they were awake. That’s what matters.”
As her father wiped the last tear from her face, Abigail’s mother stormed in and said, “Come on, you should’ve been in the shower five minutes ago. We only have four hours left to rehearse. And you need it.”
After Debra left, Abigail looked up at her father who shrugged and said, “She used to be so nice.”
* * *
Abigail arrived backstage at the pageant where her mother was thankfully not allowed. Unfortunately for Abigail, the rest of the would be beauty queens were there.
“Well, well, well,” Tabitha Moran walked right up to her and said, “I didn’t think you’d show.
“Hello, Tabitha,” Abigail did not make eye contact.
“Do you need to go potty first?” Tabitha asked. “It’s going to be a long pageant and we wouldn’t want any accidents. Or did mommy remember your diapers today?”
Tabitha and her goons laughed and walked off. Abigail considered dropping everything and running away. She turned around and saw quite possibly the strangest site she’d ever see.”
“Hiya!”
Abigail turned her head and squinted. “What… the… Nicole?”
Nicole waved and smiled. Her hair was done up in big poofy pigtails, her face covered in ridiculous make-up, and her dress was a shade of dark blue that totally didn’t go with the autumn theme.
“Don’t let meanies make fun of you,” Nicole said. “Nothin’ wrong with diapers. See!” Nicole lifted up her dress, showing off to anyone who was looking in their direction that she was wearing a big, white, fluffy baby diaper.
“What happened to you?” Abigail asked.
“Miss Kathy did it!” Nicole motioned to her hair. “You like it?”
As Abigail examined the tacky glitter in Nicole’s hair, the large tutu surrounding her and the already damp diaper between her legs, Abigail felt for the first time like she was looking in the mirror and could see her own reflection.
And she looked practically insane.
“Nice seeing you,” Abigail said as she turned around and took her place in line.
* * *
As the announcer introduced the girls one by one, Abigail felt herself calming down and relaxing a bit. She still had to keep her fake smile, give fake interview answers about world peace, and as long as she didn’t run around the stage in circles like Nicole she was guaranteed to not come in last place.
But with Abigail being Debra Shepard’s daughter, anything less than first place was not going to cut it. And that meant nailing her dance routine.
When Abigail was called out for her turn alone on the stage, she looked out beyond the stage and into the audience. Before her sat the entire town of Harmony Hills. Among her cousins and all of their little friends, she spotted Susie and the rest of their class that now knew her secret, and she spotted her mother, eyes filled with fury that shouted, “Don’t screw this up,” as she didn’t even blink.
Abigail composed herself. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them. However, instead of going into the dance routine she had practices multiple times a day for months, Abigail froze in place as the music began to play. Thousands of eyes were staring at her and all she could do was stare right back at them.
Abigail suddenly asked herself, “Did I pee first?” Whether or not the answer was yes or no, Abigail’s bladder felt it was the perfect time to empty itself. At first she didn’t even notice, but then she could instantly feel the warmth spreading between her legs and she knew without looking that her beige leotard was quickly changing into a dark brown at a rather implicating spot.
She felt a trickle of warmth around her ankles. She looked down at the puddle forming beneath her toes. Looking back out at the crowd, she could see faces laughing and holding up phones that flashed with a camera light. But Abigail didn’t hear the laughter, she didn’t even hear the music anymore. She felt her heart beat a few times.
She saw the lights above her. She felt the stage at the back of her head. And then things went dark.
CHAPTER 6Abigail woke in a somewhat unfamiliar location. The lights were on, so she was slowly able to get her barings and realize where she was. She sat up and confirmed that she was in Emma’s bed, in Emma’s room, in Emma’s house.
Abigail looked down at what she was wearing, one of Emma’s old t-shirts and a Pull-Up. Not a lavender Goodnite with butterflies and stars on it, but a bright pink Pull-Up with a Disney Princess on it. Where did that come from, Abigail wondered. She was thankful that it was at least dry.
Abigail stepped off of the bed as the door opened. Suddenly remembering everything that happened, Abigail recoiled backwards in fear, never wanting to face her mother again. But luckily for her the person at the door was not her mother. It was Anne, her aunt, Emma’s mother.
“Oh, you’re awake.”
Abigail nodded.
“Are you okay?”
“Where’s my mom?” Abigail asked.
Anne clearly didn’t want to say anything. “She had to take care of a few things.”
Abigail knew that code all to well. Her mother never needed to take care of anything, but if her only daughter ever disappointed her she would always disappear for some time. Sometimes hours, sometimes days.
“She left your dress for dinner,” Aunt Anne said, “and your dad is downstairs too with everyone else.”
Abigail looked down at her Pull-Up, still confused by it’s existence.
“You can take that off now,” her aunt said, “If you want. You don’t have to keep it on if you don’t want to. I mean… If you think you’re going to have an-”
“I’ll keep it on,” Abigail said.
“Okay then,” Anne said, “I’ll give you some privacy. Come down when you’re ready.”
* * *
There was a brief moment of silence as Abigail made her way down the steps. In the kitchen stood her aunt and uncle, and her father. Abigail smiled at her dad, the only sign he needed to know that she was ok. After that she went toward the living room, where Emma was watching the parade, and sat down next to her cousin.
“It’s a little tight,” she said.
“What is?” Emma asked.
“You know what,” Abigail said. “I know what it smells like and I could smell it on your bed. And it’s too big to be Josie’s.”
“Oh,” Emma said, looking away for a second.
“Relax,” Abigail sat back, “I’m not gonna go tell anyone. I know how much it sucks for everyone to know.”
“Thanks,” Emma said.
“So,” Abigail sighed, “I guess it runs in the family, huh?”
Emma didn’t say anything for a moment, she could’ve let it slide, she and her cousin would probably be better off if they left it at that. Abigail rarely even admitted that they were family. But Emma was a good person, and she knew what lying has done to people in the past, and so she confessed.
“Not exactly,” Emma said. “I mean I do wear them at night, and sometimes during the day. But… Not because I have to.”
Abigail asked, “Then… why?” Emma's words were confusing to her.
Emma half shrugged, “I just… like to. I like the way it feels to wear one, to wet one when it’s warm, and to just sit around like that. It makes me feel young again, like we’re not growing up so fast. It’s comforting, you know?”
Emma looked over at Abigail and found her cousin’s eyes filled with fury and rage.
“So,” Abigail said, “It’s just for fun?”
“Yes,” Emma said, “But I do know how you feel.”
“You could stop wearing them whenever you wanted, right?” Abigail asked, not expecting an answer. “You could wake up one day and decide that diapers aren’t cool anymore and never have to wear one again?”
“Well-”
“Well I can’t,” Abigail said, “I hate wearing these things. You don't know how I feel. And the fact that you like them is an insult worse than anything I’ve ever done to you.”
Emma realized the truth in what her cousin had said. She had first hurt her own best friend Penny, and now her own flesh and blood. “Abigail, I’m sorry,” Emma said.
Abigail sat up as she said, “Don’t ever speak to me again.” With that, Abigail stood up and waddled away.