Chapter 1
Lilly’s back felt cold, even through the thin white paper they had her laying on. The machine hummed as she slowly felt the piece she was on began to slowly move into the giant hole that made up the body of the machine. She felt like she was strapped to a piece of white chocolate and they were feeding it to a giant robot.
She wanted candy.
Even if it was white chocolate or dark chocolate or a healthy breath mint, Lilly needed something in her mouth to distract her. She wondered if it could’ve been diabetes. It would make sense, she’d always heard that if she ate so much sugar she it could happen.
But Lilly didn’t know if diabetes caused headaches. All she knew was that she was having headaches, and they were getting worse.
She wanted to see Zachary. He always saying how the hospital wasn’t scary at all once you get used to it. But Lilly didn’t want to get used to it. She wanted to be cured and never have to go back ever again.
The headaches didn’t start off so bad, but they got worse. When she was standing in Abigail’s house, watching Emma and Izzy kiss, Lilly felt like a pirate ship and dropped its anchor inside of her skull. It landed in a spot on her brain and it kept going up and down, in and out. She wanted to scream and cry, but her stomach felt the need to empty itself instead.
At the hospital, they plugged her arm into a sack of water and she suddenly felt better. She changed into a robe made of paper and a diaper that was big and green and smelled like sawdust. She wanted to tell them, no matter how strange it was, that the saturated Spider-Man Goodnite she was wearing when she came in was just for fun. However, before she could inform them she got another headache.
And they kept coming.
They poked a hole in the middle of her arm and stuck a tube inside. By the time she was done with the CAT scan, Lilly felt a little better. They wheeled her into a private room and she was placed in a comfy bed. After a while the headaches slowed down. And then they stopped.
And then she slept.
Lilly woke to find her mother going through a few papers on a clipboard. Remaining still and silent, Lilly watched her mother reread the papers over and over again. When she finished reading, her mother would either calm down or get herself worked up again. And yet she kept rereading.
“Mommy,” Lilly spoke up when her mother looked calm.
Her mother looked up. Her eyes were red.
“What’s wrong with me?”
Lilly watched her mother move closer to her and say, “Your headaches are being caused by a...” She could not bring herself to say it. “The official diagnosis is an oligodendroglioma.”
“Olyga...” Lilly tried to repeat it. “Ollagoda-”
“It’s a tumor.”
Lilly stopped.
“It’s very rare in children,” her mother said. “There is some medication, and an operation.”
“Surgery?” Lilly said. “They’re going to cut open my belly?”
Her mother paused again. “No, sweetie,” she said. Before she allowed Lilly to show any sign of relief, she clarified as she said, “They’re going to cut open your head.”
Chapter 2
“Emma?”
Izzy tapped on the door again. There was no response.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Emma’s mother appeared in the hallway. “I hoped seeing one of her little friends would cheer her up.”
“It’s okay,” Izzy frowned, showing a level of disappointment that Mrs. Shepard thought peculiar for even a best friend.
“You care about her a lot, huh?” Emma’s mom asked.
Izzy nodded.
“Come on,” the woman said. “I’ll make you a sandwich.”
As they walked down the steps Izzy added, “Let’s make one for Emma too. She’s probably hungry.”
It was Monday, after school. Three days before, the girls gathered for a party at Abigail’s. A birthday party. It began with a game of truth or dare and ended with a trip to the emergency room. When she got home, Emma went up to her room, closed the door, and didn’t come out. She refused to see anyone on Sunday and skipped school the next day.
“I guess what happened to Lilly scared her,” Mrs. Shepard said in the kitchen. “Even if there was an adult there, that would’ve been a scary experience for anyone. I don’t know what I would do if Emma or Josie got sick like that.”
Izzy wasn’t sure whatever was wrong with Emma had anything to do with what happened to Lilly. For some reason, Izzy felt like Emma was mad at her for some reason. Did she stop liking her? Was she mad at her? Didn’t she like the kiss? Izzy had no way of finding out if she was a bad kisser or not.
“It feels like a ham and cheese kind of day,” Mrs. Shepard said. “Do you like ham and cheese?”
Izzy nodded. “Ham is like pork. When I went to Puerto Rico we drove to the top of a big mountain and roasted a big pig. Big enough for the whole family.”
“Do you have a big family?” Mrs. Shepard got the ham and cheese out of the fridge.
“Just two aunts and six cousins,” Izzy said. “Well, that’s on my mom’s side. On my dad’s side I have two aunts, an uncle, and eight cousins. But then my our aunt got a divorce and remarried and we got two new cousins named Daniel and Danielle but then they got divorced and then she got married again and her new husband has three two kids and then they had a baby named Jennifer and they have a pool and-”
“How do you want your sandwich?” Mrs. Shepard asked. “I’m having ham and cheese with lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, onions, and mustard.”
Izzy thought about it for a moment, and then said, “Ham and cheese with just lettuce and tomato.”
“And what should we make for Emma?”
“Just plain ham and cheese,” Izzy smiled, “But without the cheese.”
“You know her very well,” Mrs. Shepard said.
Izzy blushed, then looked away, worried.
“Okay,” Mrs. Shepard said, holding up the plate with the girls’ sandwiches. “Let’s go see if if this will make Emma come out?”
Chapter 3
Lilly woke up, surrounded by her parents and doctors. She could barely understand anything they were saying, but nodded when they asked her a jumble of sounds that she registered as “How do you feel?”
The doctors slowly filtered out of the room and Lilly got a better grasp on reality. She tried to move, but her parents just told her to sit still and rest. The pain killers were doing their job, but Lilly knew the truth. she knew that there was a huge hole in her head. She didn’t feel the pain, but she felt the absence of what was supposed to be there. Although their relationship was short lived, Lilly felt as though the tumor was a part of her, but now it was gone.
She felt like she hadn’t peed in two days and let it all out. With all the numbness she had no idea if she was wearing a diaper or not, but didn’t care either way. As her parents suggested, she closed her eyes and tried to rest.
Lilly woke again, this time slightly more mobile, but in an empty room. She peed again, this time able to feel and even hear the sound of her urine filling her diaper. She didn’t know how she was going to ever wear recreational diapers again. As the moisture was absorbed into the padding and clung to her skin, Lilly grew more and more disgusted with herself. She wanted to be changed immediately.
“Miss French,” a nurse walked in, “We have a surprise for you.”
Lilly tried to request a diaper change first, but her words were out of practice. The old hag in scrubs ushered in a young boy in light green pajama pants, holding onto a mobile IV stand, a bag shooting mysterious liquid into his arm.
“Zawawee?” Lilly mumbled.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” the nurse said as she vanished.
“I was so worried when I heard what happened,” Zachary said as he sat in the chair across from her bed. “I came back for a routine something or other but they said I couldn’t see you until you woke up. How do you feel?”
Lilly gulped. She hadn’t said more than two words in what felt like ages and wanted to make sure the next thing she said counted.
“My butt is wet and warm.”
Zachary smiled. “We’re like twins,” he lowered his pajama pants enough so that a soggy Spider-Man could stare back at her.
“I just want this to be over,” Lilly looked away and up at the ceiling. “It’s over right? I go home and take some pills for a few weeks and then I’m all back to normal, right?”
“Listen, Lilly.” Zachary clearly didn’t know what to say. “I’ve been going to hospitals every month since before I can remember. I don’t get scared anymore. I don’t mind the food and I don’t even feel the little prick when they put the IV in. The hospital is like my second home. I know all the nurses and I even have a locker full of extra pajamas and some of my books. I’ve been doing this for ten years and even if it goes on for another ten I know I’ll be fine.”
A tear started to roll down Lilly’s cheek.
“But,” Zachary said, “I did talk to the nurses and… Yeah, you’re going to be fine.”
Lilly turned to him and smiled. “You’re not messing with me? I’m gonna be live?”
“You’ll be out of here before me,” Zachary said, “And you’re going to be A-Okay for the rest of your days.”
Lilly thought she was going to smile herself to death, which would be a terrible way to spend the rest of her life.
“What’s it like?” Zachary asked. “Being well? I’ve been sick forever. Doctors tell me I’ll be like this until the day I die.”
Lilly turned to Zachary and said, “Shut up, come over here, and kiss me you idiot. ”
“There is just… one thing,” Zachary said.
“What is it?” Lilly asked, growing worried.
“Well you know how when Emma hit her head she got stitches and then a scar?”
Lilly nodded. “Is that it? I’m okay with a scar, especially if my hair will cover it.”
Zachary didn’t say a word.
“What?” Lilly asked. She lifted up her hands, no matter how painful, and felt her head. It was covered in thick bandages. “These will come off, right?”
“Yes,” Zachary said. “And your hair will grow back… Eventually.”
Four nurses stormed into her room a second later. The sound of her screams made the whole wing think she was in the worse pain they had ever seen.
Chapter 4
“So Lilly’s gonna be okay?”
Susie was glad to be able to sit outside in their mutual playground area. The last of the snow was beginning to melt away and the kids were able to hang out in tennis shoes and light jackets.
“Yup,” Mimi said. “They got the tumor out and she’ll be back to school next week, ” totally healthy with a shaved head.”
Susie smiled. “That’s good. This must all be so scary for Lilly and her family. How’s Nick?”
“Who’s Nick?” Mimi asked.
“Nick,” Susie explained. “Lilly’s brother. Her twin brother? He’s in your class and has been this whole time. Nick!”
“Oh yeah,” Mimi smiled. “I forgot. He hasn’t really been that important lately. But I guess he’s just been in the background this whole time. I wonder if Max is still in the class.”
“Who’s Max?” Susie asked.
“I forget,” Mimi smiled again.
Susie looked around and sighed. “Where is everyone?”
It was just the two of them that day.
“Well Lilly is still in the hospital,” Mimi said, “Nicole won’t leave the house without Abigail. Abigail won’t leave the house because she thinks she put Lilly in the hospital, Emma won’t come out because she’s afraid of anyone going to the hospital I guess, and Izzy won’t come out either because Emma won’t come out.”
Susie smirked. “Well they already came out to us.”
“Huh?” Mimi was confused. “You saw them?”
“At the party,” Susie explained. “At Abigail’s? It’s a… Nevermind.”
“You’re weird,” Mimi said, crouching down as if to look at something. “Oh hey, what about Penny? Is she coming?”
Susie blushed. “Oh my god, stop! You’re messing with me now.” When Mimi did not respond, Susie bent down and looked at the ground. “What are you looking at?”
Mimi said nothing.
“Mimi?”
“Don’t talk to me, I’m peeing.”
Susie sighed. She stood up and walked away. “Well, you just gave me an idea. And once again I’m going to have to be the one to stitch this group back together.”
Mimi did not notice Susie walking away. When she was done, she let out a sigh of relief and stood up, the warmth between her legs offsetting the chill surrounding her. “Susie?” called and looked around.
It was getting dark.
“Great,” Mimi said. “Now everyone is hiding inside on a beautiful day and no one wants to come play with me. All anybody wants to do these days is be depressed and lock themselves in a closet and I can’t take it anymore!”
She calmed herself down and stood still for a second.
“And now I’m leaking. Great.”
Chapter 5
“How do you feel?” Mrs. French asked. She stood in the hospital room, everything was almost packed up. Lilly stood in her private bathroom, staring at the stitches across her bald head. “I told you it would grow back.”
“I know,” Lilly said, putting a beanie cap on as she turned off the lights and stepped out of the bathroom. “Let’s just go.”
The entire ride home, Lilly kept stroking her stitches beneath her hat.
“I said don’t pick at it,” Mrs. French said.
“I’m not,” Lilly said. She grew quiet after that and didn’t say much.
“What’s wrong?” her mother asked.
“I feel the exactly the same,” Lilly said, “But different. It’s like something is missing but I can’t tell what. It’s like the scooped out a piece of my mind and I the part they scooped out was important. But I know it wasn’t. It was just a gross tumor. I still have all my memories and I still know how to do long division and I know that the capital of Pennsylvania is Pittsburgh.”
Mrs. French didn’t comment on her daughter’s poor grasp of local social studies and instead commented on the actual matter at hand. “It happens to a lot of people after a traumatic experience. You were saying Emma was acting funny after she got out of the hospital, right? Things are the same, but they’re different. I don’t know what Emma was thinking and I won’t know what you are thinking unless you tell me.”
Lilly didn’t say anything at first, but then she finally opened up. “I could have died, right? At any moment, anyone could die right where they’re standing. They can fall and hit their head or get a tumor or just blow up for no reason. And then it’s over. I’m only nine and my life almost ended. What have I done for the past nine years? I ate lots of chocolate, watched lots of cartoons, and wore diapers for fun. Is that what I want to be remembered for? Is that the legacy I want to leave behind? In a hundred years what are people going to say about me? Will they even remember me? Will my existence have left a mark on society?”
Mrs. French did not know where to begin. “For being nine you certainly know a lot of big words. But honestly, you’re just a kid. You have fifteen, maybe twenty years before you should be having a crisis like this. I might be a bad mom of saying this, but go ahead and eat all the candy you want and watch all the cartoons you want. Because one day you won’t be able to. Yes, you can probably die at any moment. We could get hit by a truck right now and be crushed. When we go to Disney World this summer our plane could malfunction and fall out of the sky. And yes, there is even a slim chance you could blow up from the inside out. You can’t spend every day living like it’s your last, because otherwise you’ll never be able to look forward and smile. Do the things you want to do, because you may not have a chance. Don’t avoid them for the same reason though. you’re fine now. You’re going to live to be a hundred. Worrying won’t make your life any better.”
Lilly thought about everything her mother said. She knew she was right and she knew that no matter what, it was time for life to continue on as normal. Lilly had to look forward and be happy.
And that is did.
Chapter 6
Emma was curled up in a ball under three layers of blankets while wearing long pajamas that covered a Pull-Up that was about to burst. She was hot, sweaty, and in desperate need of a bath. And she was hungry.
There was a knock on the door, and then her sister’s voice.
“Emma!” Josie called “Mom ordered pizza. I know you won’t come down and eat it so I brought you a plate. It’s sitting right outside if you want it.”
A few seconds later, Emma leapt from her hole and waddled over to her door. She undid the lock and opened it. Looking down, Emma did not see a play of pizza. Instead, she saw another set of feet. She slowly looked up and found Susie staring down at her.
“Surprise, bitch.”
Susie tossed a sleeping bag in Emma’s face, knocking her backwards a bit.
“It’s time for an intervention slumber party,” Susie declared, “Population: You.”
“What?” Emma looked through the door as Mimi came in with a bag.
Josie stood in the hallway and said, “I’m not sorry,” before walking away.
“I don’t want to have a sleepover,” Emma said, returning to her bed and facing the other way. “And I don’t want to see you guys either.”
“Oh we’re not the ones sleeping over,” Susie said.
This peaked Emma’s interest.
“Here she comes now,” Mimi said.
Susie chuckled. Emma heard footsteps and could tell a third guest was in her room.
“Bye bye,” Susie and Mimi said together as they closed the door.
Emma turned around and saw herself facing an unfamiliar face. She was tall and beautiful girl with in dark blue jeggings with a cream colored top over the spaghetti straps of an apparent training bra. Her blond hair was pulled back, a strand of it braided, a few strands wavy and dangling across her face. Her cheeks were covered in a modest amount of blush, her lips lined with a rose colored gloss. As Emma looked closely at her eyes, she saw a recognizable ring of contact lenses on green eyes.
At first, Emma thought a stranger was in her room, staring at her in her saturated Pull-Up and surrounded by unfinished food. And then, after a minute, Emma came to a revelation about her mystery guest.
She stood, to get a closer look, and confirmed her suspicions.
“Penny?”
Lilly’s back felt cold, even through the thin white paper they had her laying on. The machine hummed as she slowly felt the piece she was on began to slowly move into the giant hole that made up the body of the machine. She felt like she was strapped to a piece of white chocolate and they were feeding it to a giant robot.
She wanted candy.
Even if it was white chocolate or dark chocolate or a healthy breath mint, Lilly needed something in her mouth to distract her. She wondered if it could’ve been diabetes. It would make sense, she’d always heard that if she ate so much sugar she it could happen.
But Lilly didn’t know if diabetes caused headaches. All she knew was that she was having headaches, and they were getting worse.
She wanted to see Zachary. He always saying how the hospital wasn’t scary at all once you get used to it. But Lilly didn’t want to get used to it. She wanted to be cured and never have to go back ever again.
The headaches didn’t start off so bad, but they got worse. When she was standing in Abigail’s house, watching Emma and Izzy kiss, Lilly felt like a pirate ship and dropped its anchor inside of her skull. It landed in a spot on her brain and it kept going up and down, in and out. She wanted to scream and cry, but her stomach felt the need to empty itself instead.
At the hospital, they plugged her arm into a sack of water and she suddenly felt better. She changed into a robe made of paper and a diaper that was big and green and smelled like sawdust. She wanted to tell them, no matter how strange it was, that the saturated Spider-Man Goodnite she was wearing when she came in was just for fun. However, before she could inform them she got another headache.
And they kept coming.
They poked a hole in the middle of her arm and stuck a tube inside. By the time she was done with the CAT scan, Lilly felt a little better. They wheeled her into a private room and she was placed in a comfy bed. After a while the headaches slowed down. And then they stopped.
And then she slept.
Lilly woke to find her mother going through a few papers on a clipboard. Remaining still and silent, Lilly watched her mother reread the papers over and over again. When she finished reading, her mother would either calm down or get herself worked up again. And yet she kept rereading.
“Mommy,” Lilly spoke up when her mother looked calm.
Her mother looked up. Her eyes were red.
“What’s wrong with me?”
Lilly watched her mother move closer to her and say, “Your headaches are being caused by a...” She could not bring herself to say it. “The official diagnosis is an oligodendroglioma.”
“Olyga...” Lilly tried to repeat it. “Ollagoda-”
“It’s a tumor.”
Lilly stopped.
“It’s very rare in children,” her mother said. “There is some medication, and an operation.”
“Surgery?” Lilly said. “They’re going to cut open my belly?”
Her mother paused again. “No, sweetie,” she said. Before she allowed Lilly to show any sign of relief, she clarified as she said, “They’re going to cut open your head.”
Chapter 2
“Emma?”
Izzy tapped on the door again. There was no response.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Emma’s mother appeared in the hallway. “I hoped seeing one of her little friends would cheer her up.”
“It’s okay,” Izzy frowned, showing a level of disappointment that Mrs. Shepard thought peculiar for even a best friend.
“You care about her a lot, huh?” Emma’s mom asked.
Izzy nodded.
“Come on,” the woman said. “I’ll make you a sandwich.”
As they walked down the steps Izzy added, “Let’s make one for Emma too. She’s probably hungry.”
It was Monday, after school. Three days before, the girls gathered for a party at Abigail’s. A birthday party. It began with a game of truth or dare and ended with a trip to the emergency room. When she got home, Emma went up to her room, closed the door, and didn’t come out. She refused to see anyone on Sunday and skipped school the next day.
“I guess what happened to Lilly scared her,” Mrs. Shepard said in the kitchen. “Even if there was an adult there, that would’ve been a scary experience for anyone. I don’t know what I would do if Emma or Josie got sick like that.”
Izzy wasn’t sure whatever was wrong with Emma had anything to do with what happened to Lilly. For some reason, Izzy felt like Emma was mad at her for some reason. Did she stop liking her? Was she mad at her? Didn’t she like the kiss? Izzy had no way of finding out if she was a bad kisser or not.
“It feels like a ham and cheese kind of day,” Mrs. Shepard said. “Do you like ham and cheese?”
Izzy nodded. “Ham is like pork. When I went to Puerto Rico we drove to the top of a big mountain and roasted a big pig. Big enough for the whole family.”
“Do you have a big family?” Mrs. Shepard got the ham and cheese out of the fridge.
“Just two aunts and six cousins,” Izzy said. “Well, that’s on my mom’s side. On my dad’s side I have two aunts, an uncle, and eight cousins. But then my our aunt got a divorce and remarried and we got two new cousins named Daniel and Danielle but then they got divorced and then she got married again and her new husband has three two kids and then they had a baby named Jennifer and they have a pool and-”
“How do you want your sandwich?” Mrs. Shepard asked. “I’m having ham and cheese with lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, onions, and mustard.”
Izzy thought about it for a moment, and then said, “Ham and cheese with just lettuce and tomato.”
“And what should we make for Emma?”
“Just plain ham and cheese,” Izzy smiled, “But without the cheese.”
“You know her very well,” Mrs. Shepard said.
Izzy blushed, then looked away, worried.
“Okay,” Mrs. Shepard said, holding up the plate with the girls’ sandwiches. “Let’s go see if if this will make Emma come out?”
Chapter 3
Lilly woke up, surrounded by her parents and doctors. She could barely understand anything they were saying, but nodded when they asked her a jumble of sounds that she registered as “How do you feel?”
The doctors slowly filtered out of the room and Lilly got a better grasp on reality. She tried to move, but her parents just told her to sit still and rest. The pain killers were doing their job, but Lilly knew the truth. she knew that there was a huge hole in her head. She didn’t feel the pain, but she felt the absence of what was supposed to be there. Although their relationship was short lived, Lilly felt as though the tumor was a part of her, but now it was gone.
She felt like she hadn’t peed in two days and let it all out. With all the numbness she had no idea if she was wearing a diaper or not, but didn’t care either way. As her parents suggested, she closed her eyes and tried to rest.
Lilly woke again, this time slightly more mobile, but in an empty room. She peed again, this time able to feel and even hear the sound of her urine filling her diaper. She didn’t know how she was going to ever wear recreational diapers again. As the moisture was absorbed into the padding and clung to her skin, Lilly grew more and more disgusted with herself. She wanted to be changed immediately.
“Miss French,” a nurse walked in, “We have a surprise for you.”
Lilly tried to request a diaper change first, but her words were out of practice. The old hag in scrubs ushered in a young boy in light green pajama pants, holding onto a mobile IV stand, a bag shooting mysterious liquid into his arm.
“Zawawee?” Lilly mumbled.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” the nurse said as she vanished.
“I was so worried when I heard what happened,” Zachary said as he sat in the chair across from her bed. “I came back for a routine something or other but they said I couldn’t see you until you woke up. How do you feel?”
Lilly gulped. She hadn’t said more than two words in what felt like ages and wanted to make sure the next thing she said counted.
“My butt is wet and warm.”
Zachary smiled. “We’re like twins,” he lowered his pajama pants enough so that a soggy Spider-Man could stare back at her.
“I just want this to be over,” Lilly looked away and up at the ceiling. “It’s over right? I go home and take some pills for a few weeks and then I’m all back to normal, right?”
“Listen, Lilly.” Zachary clearly didn’t know what to say. “I’ve been going to hospitals every month since before I can remember. I don’t get scared anymore. I don’t mind the food and I don’t even feel the little prick when they put the IV in. The hospital is like my second home. I know all the nurses and I even have a locker full of extra pajamas and some of my books. I’ve been doing this for ten years and even if it goes on for another ten I know I’ll be fine.”
A tear started to roll down Lilly’s cheek.
“But,” Zachary said, “I did talk to the nurses and… Yeah, you’re going to be fine.”
Lilly turned to him and smiled. “You’re not messing with me? I’m gonna be live?”
“You’ll be out of here before me,” Zachary said, “And you’re going to be A-Okay for the rest of your days.”
Lilly thought she was going to smile herself to death, which would be a terrible way to spend the rest of her life.
“What’s it like?” Zachary asked. “Being well? I’ve been sick forever. Doctors tell me I’ll be like this until the day I die.”
Lilly turned to Zachary and said, “Shut up, come over here, and kiss me you idiot. ”
“There is just… one thing,” Zachary said.
“What is it?” Lilly asked, growing worried.
“Well you know how when Emma hit her head she got stitches and then a scar?”
Lilly nodded. “Is that it? I’m okay with a scar, especially if my hair will cover it.”
Zachary didn’t say a word.
“What?” Lilly asked. She lifted up her hands, no matter how painful, and felt her head. It was covered in thick bandages. “These will come off, right?”
“Yes,” Zachary said. “And your hair will grow back… Eventually.”
Four nurses stormed into her room a second later. The sound of her screams made the whole wing think she was in the worse pain they had ever seen.
Chapter 4
“So Lilly’s gonna be okay?”
Susie was glad to be able to sit outside in their mutual playground area. The last of the snow was beginning to melt away and the kids were able to hang out in tennis shoes and light jackets.
“Yup,” Mimi said. “They got the tumor out and she’ll be back to school next week, ” totally healthy with a shaved head.”
Susie smiled. “That’s good. This must all be so scary for Lilly and her family. How’s Nick?”
“Who’s Nick?” Mimi asked.
“Nick,” Susie explained. “Lilly’s brother. Her twin brother? He’s in your class and has been this whole time. Nick!”
“Oh yeah,” Mimi smiled. “I forgot. He hasn’t really been that important lately. But I guess he’s just been in the background this whole time. I wonder if Max is still in the class.”
“Who’s Max?” Susie asked.
“I forget,” Mimi smiled again.
Susie looked around and sighed. “Where is everyone?”
It was just the two of them that day.
“Well Lilly is still in the hospital,” Mimi said, “Nicole won’t leave the house without Abigail. Abigail won’t leave the house because she thinks she put Lilly in the hospital, Emma won’t come out because she’s afraid of anyone going to the hospital I guess, and Izzy won’t come out either because Emma won’t come out.”
Susie smirked. “Well they already came out to us.”
“Huh?” Mimi was confused. “You saw them?”
“At the party,” Susie explained. “At Abigail’s? It’s a… Nevermind.”
“You’re weird,” Mimi said, crouching down as if to look at something. “Oh hey, what about Penny? Is she coming?”
Susie blushed. “Oh my god, stop! You’re messing with me now.” When Mimi did not respond, Susie bent down and looked at the ground. “What are you looking at?”
Mimi said nothing.
“Mimi?”
“Don’t talk to me, I’m peeing.”
Susie sighed. She stood up and walked away. “Well, you just gave me an idea. And once again I’m going to have to be the one to stitch this group back together.”
Mimi did not notice Susie walking away. When she was done, she let out a sigh of relief and stood up, the warmth between her legs offsetting the chill surrounding her. “Susie?” called and looked around.
It was getting dark.
“Great,” Mimi said. “Now everyone is hiding inside on a beautiful day and no one wants to come play with me. All anybody wants to do these days is be depressed and lock themselves in a closet and I can’t take it anymore!”
She calmed herself down and stood still for a second.
“And now I’m leaking. Great.”
Chapter 5
“How do you feel?” Mrs. French asked. She stood in the hospital room, everything was almost packed up. Lilly stood in her private bathroom, staring at the stitches across her bald head. “I told you it would grow back.”
“I know,” Lilly said, putting a beanie cap on as she turned off the lights and stepped out of the bathroom. “Let’s just go.”
The entire ride home, Lilly kept stroking her stitches beneath her hat.
“I said don’t pick at it,” Mrs. French said.
“I’m not,” Lilly said. She grew quiet after that and didn’t say much.
“What’s wrong?” her mother asked.
“I feel the exactly the same,” Lilly said, “But different. It’s like something is missing but I can’t tell what. It’s like the scooped out a piece of my mind and I the part they scooped out was important. But I know it wasn’t. It was just a gross tumor. I still have all my memories and I still know how to do long division and I know that the capital of Pennsylvania is Pittsburgh.”
Mrs. French didn’t comment on her daughter’s poor grasp of local social studies and instead commented on the actual matter at hand. “It happens to a lot of people after a traumatic experience. You were saying Emma was acting funny after she got out of the hospital, right? Things are the same, but they’re different. I don’t know what Emma was thinking and I won’t know what you are thinking unless you tell me.”
Lilly didn’t say anything at first, but then she finally opened up. “I could have died, right? At any moment, anyone could die right where they’re standing. They can fall and hit their head or get a tumor or just blow up for no reason. And then it’s over. I’m only nine and my life almost ended. What have I done for the past nine years? I ate lots of chocolate, watched lots of cartoons, and wore diapers for fun. Is that what I want to be remembered for? Is that the legacy I want to leave behind? In a hundred years what are people going to say about me? Will they even remember me? Will my existence have left a mark on society?”
Mrs. French did not know where to begin. “For being nine you certainly know a lot of big words. But honestly, you’re just a kid. You have fifteen, maybe twenty years before you should be having a crisis like this. I might be a bad mom of saying this, but go ahead and eat all the candy you want and watch all the cartoons you want. Because one day you won’t be able to. Yes, you can probably die at any moment. We could get hit by a truck right now and be crushed. When we go to Disney World this summer our plane could malfunction and fall out of the sky. And yes, there is even a slim chance you could blow up from the inside out. You can’t spend every day living like it’s your last, because otherwise you’ll never be able to look forward and smile. Do the things you want to do, because you may not have a chance. Don’t avoid them for the same reason though. you’re fine now. You’re going to live to be a hundred. Worrying won’t make your life any better.”
Lilly thought about everything her mother said. She knew she was right and she knew that no matter what, it was time for life to continue on as normal. Lilly had to look forward and be happy.
And that is did.
Chapter 6
Emma was curled up in a ball under three layers of blankets while wearing long pajamas that covered a Pull-Up that was about to burst. She was hot, sweaty, and in desperate need of a bath. And she was hungry.
There was a knock on the door, and then her sister’s voice.
“Emma!” Josie called “Mom ordered pizza. I know you won’t come down and eat it so I brought you a plate. It’s sitting right outside if you want it.”
A few seconds later, Emma leapt from her hole and waddled over to her door. She undid the lock and opened it. Looking down, Emma did not see a play of pizza. Instead, she saw another set of feet. She slowly looked up and found Susie staring down at her.
“Surprise, bitch.”
Susie tossed a sleeping bag in Emma’s face, knocking her backwards a bit.
“It’s time for an intervention slumber party,” Susie declared, “Population: You.”
“What?” Emma looked through the door as Mimi came in with a bag.
Josie stood in the hallway and said, “I’m not sorry,” before walking away.
“I don’t want to have a sleepover,” Emma said, returning to her bed and facing the other way. “And I don’t want to see you guys either.”
“Oh we’re not the ones sleeping over,” Susie said.
This peaked Emma’s interest.
“Here she comes now,” Mimi said.
Susie chuckled. Emma heard footsteps and could tell a third guest was in her room.
“Bye bye,” Susie and Mimi said together as they closed the door.
Emma turned around and saw herself facing an unfamiliar face. She was tall and beautiful girl with in dark blue jeggings with a cream colored top over the spaghetti straps of an apparent training bra. Her blond hair was pulled back, a strand of it braided, a few strands wavy and dangling across her face. Her cheeks were covered in a modest amount of blush, her lips lined with a rose colored gloss. As Emma looked closely at her eyes, she saw a recognizable ring of contact lenses on green eyes.
At first, Emma thought a stranger was in her room, staring at her in her saturated Pull-Up and surrounded by unfinished food. And then, after a minute, Emma came to a revelation about her mystery guest.
She stood, to get a closer look, and confirmed her suspicions.
“Penny?”