Chapter 1
Emma woke to a cold, harsh chill. It was the middle of a terrible winter, one of the worst Harmony Hills had ever seen. She hated the cold, it meant playing indoors and having to bundle up in layers just to get in the car. Emma missed the summer. She missed how things used to be.
She ran her fingers across her forehead, and felt the bump of her stitches.
After surgery and recovery and relaxing at home, when Emma was finally given the go ahead to return to school and see the outside world, there was one person she wanted to spend that time with.
Izzy lay sound asleep next to Emma, who watched her chest move up and down. After her recent venture on the swing set Emma had taken to making sure her friends were alive. She didn’t know how to check for a pulse, so she just watched them breath.
Confirming that Izzy had not died in her sleep, something all of her friends had already promised they would not do, Emma had something else she wanted to confirm. She gently reached her hand under the blanket and slowly lifted Izzy’s nightgown above her waist. A light tap was not enough, and so Emma firmly pressed and squeezed on Izzy’s diaper.
Dry.
Just like Emma, Izzy had stayed dry through the night. The only difference between the two was that while the state of Izzy’s nighttime diaper each morning was always in flux, Emma had never been a bedwetter and would only wet hers while conscious.
But that was no fun.
Emma leapt on top of Izzy and started tickling her until her friend jolted awake and started laughing.
“Emma, stop!” Izzy squealed, giggling against her will. “What are you doing?”
Relaxing back on her back, Emma sighed as the two calmed down, having laughed themselves out for now.
“You’re dry,” Emma said.
“Thanks for checking,” Izzy said.
“De nada,” Emma replied, a term she had picked up from her new best friend.
“And you?” Izzy asked, reaching below the blankets, where she found Emma bottomless in a dry Pull-Up.
“No accidents,” Emma said, “I stayed dry all night. Just like I have been for like… five years? Wait a minute...” Emma held up her fingers and started counting to herself. When only three fingers were left, she blushed and moved on. “You wanna go together?” Emma asked, “I’ve been holding it in waiting for you.”
Izzy stood up and walked to her dresser. She reached beneath her nightgown and unlatched her diaper, without exposing anything to Emma. Izzy dropped her dry diaper in the trashcan and grabbed a pair of panties from the dresser.
“Wha?” Emma was dumbfounded. “What a waste! Do you know how expensive diapers are?”
“Yes,” Izzy said as she slipped on her jeans. “Remember, in my house we have to buy two packages. One for Noel and one for me.”
“Well in my house we buy two too,” Emma said. “One for me and one for Josie.”
“You don’t have to,” Izzy said. “And you don’t need to. You just want to.” Izzy replaced her nightgown with a long sleeved shirt and headed to the bathroom.
When she came back, she found Emma in a bit of a huff, her arms crossed and her face showing off a very distinct “I am not happy.”
“Emma, I’m sorry,” Izzy said. “I just don’t feel like it right now. I don’t want to take a bath and everything.” Emma wasn’t budging. “I mean if you still want to-”
“I already am,” Emma said.
Izzy realized she misunderstood Emma’s face. She wasn’t angry, she was just concentrating. And then she sighed in relief.
Izzy smiled. “Feel better?”
Emma shrugged, then nodded. “I like when you do it to. It’s like we’re twins. Sometimes I wish we were real sisters.”
“But I love Noel,” Izzy said, “And you love Josie.”
“I know,” Emma said, the warmth already starting to fade from her now soggy Pull-Up. “It’s weird. When I first woke up, after I got hurt, I felt like I was in a strange world. It’s weird getting used to it. Sometimes I miss the dream. Sometimes I want to go back and live there instead.”
Chapter 2
Emma was picked up at noon. The girls simply spent the rest of their morning relaxing in front of the TV and eating breakfast. Noel started crying so Izzy brought her into the room to distract her for a bit. As much as Emma liked doing baby like things, she wasn’t a big fan of being in the presence of an actual two month old person. Maybe once she was older they could hang out.
“Did you have fun?” Emma’s mom asked.
Emma stared out the window as they drove home. “Yeah,” she said under her breath.
Ever since she got out of the hospital, Emma had seemed quiet and distant. She didn’t say much at school or at home, and she never wanted to hang out with any of her friends. She would talk to them at lunch and recess, but she didn’t want to go over anyone’s house to play or sleepover. Unless it was a party with the whole group. Unless it was just Izzy.
For some reason, even though pretty much everyone had finally acquired diapers, Emma was attracted to Izzy the most. Lilly and Mimi wore them for fun, the same as her. Nicole and Abigail had sad reasons to wear them. But Izzy was a bedwetter. She legitimately had problems at night. Problems that reminded Emma of a young Penny. Problems that Emma secretly enjoyed. Problems that were disappearing.
Izzy was not always a bedwetter. It would come and go in phases and lately it seemed like the current phase was ending. She had more dry nights than wet and, while the two did enjoy playing in and wetting their diapers together, even that fun was starting to end.
Everything changed after Emma jumped off the swing.
Emma and Izzy became best friends. Diaper play aside, the two really did have much in common. Izzy was always a bit on the immature side and as Emma regressed the two were on the same level. But as Izzy started to grow up a bit, taking on big sisterly duties, Emma felt her friend slipping away.
***
Izzy closed the book and said, “The end,” even though Noel was already asleep. She stood up and put the book away. While it made her baby sister sleepy, Izzy didn’t think it was a particularly good book. Too much tell and not enough show.
“She’s finally down?” Izzy’s mother came in from the kitchen. Izzy nodded, and her mother asked, “Want me to help you get ready for bed?”
“It’s still light out,” Izzy said.
“You always get so wrapped up in what you’re doing before bed,” her mother said.
“I can do it myself,” Izzy said.
“Oh really?” her mother asked. “Whenever you put them on yourself I have to do laundry. It’s worse than you not wearing a diaper at all.”
“I might not even need them,” Izzy said, not making eye contact anymore. “I have been dry three days this week.”
Mrs. Perez knew something was wrong. She sat her daugher down and asked, “Is something wrong, Isabella?”
Izzy wasn’t going to say anything, but she knew this was a family that had no secrets. “I’m nine years old now,” Izzy said. “When Emma turned nine, she decided she didn’t like growing up anymore. That’s why she wears diapers.”
“I see,” her mother said. “Do you feel this way? You know I will let you wear them whenever you want, right?”
Izzy shook her head, “It’s not that. Actually,” Izzy took another moment to think first, but her mother cut her off.
“I think I understand,” Mrs. Perez thought. “Those Pampers are for a baby. I think we should get you something more for your age next time we go to the store? Something you can put on by yourself?”
Izzy thought it over for a second, and then said, “I’d like that.”
Chapter 3
“And so in the first episode it turns out that Monster Story was actually just a TV show and a video game and the kids in the real world get monsters for real. And instead of going to the monster world the bad monsters come to the real world and the kids fight them with their monsters and they’re all dark and have emotions and stuff.”
Everyone stared at Lilly, who had taken over the first five minutes of their lunch conversation.
“And then what?” Nicole asked.
“Stop!” Mimi held her hands up, “I’m begging you stop!!!”
“You’re the one with Monster Story Pull-Ups,” Lilly said.
“They’re called Moony Man Pantsu,” Mimi explained. “They just so happen to have knock off characters on them. And they’re cute as hell.”
Nicole gasped.
“Oh, please,” Mimi rolled her eyes. “I love you, Nicole but if I can’t say hell around you we’re going to have a problem.”
“We never should have watched Protectors of the Planets,” Lilly said. “Now you think it’s so cool to say the H word.”
“We’re big kids now,” Mimi said, “It’s what we do.”
“You fit a different sort of definition of big kid,” Lilly said.
“Me too!” Nicole cheered.
Lilly rolled her eyes and turned to the other corner of their tabe. The quiet corner. Where Emma sat.
“Emma,” she asked. “What are you thinking about?”
Emma looked up from her lunch and stared at them all, and then at the empty seat beside her.. “Izzy’s sick today.”
“Yes,” Lilly said. “Yes she is.”
Emma said nothing else.
“Isn’t she sleeping over tonight?” Mimi asked.
“She’s supposed to,” Emma said, looking back at her lunch.
“Well I’m not doing anything tonight,” Lilly said.
“Me neither,” Mimi added.
“Cool,” Emma, done fiddling with her half-eaten lunch, took her tray and walked off.
Lilly and Mimi sighed.
“Why don’t you too have a sleepover?” Nicole asked.
“The worst part about her living with Abigail is that Abigail is nice now,” Lilly said.
Mimi nodded. “You’d think she would toughen Nicole up a bit, but I bet Nicole is the one making Abigail softer.”
Mimi and Lilly looked at Nicole and nodded.
Nicole’s eyebrows narrowed and she said, “I’m sitting right here, guys. I can hear you.”
They gasped. “You can?” Lilly asked.
“Go to hell,” Nicole picked up her tray and followed Emma.
“What’s her deal?” Lilly asked.
“Sometimes she’s like her old self,” Mimi said, “Confident and stuff.”
“And other times she’ll stub her toe and fall over and start crying,” Lilly said. “And then poop in her pants.”
“At least she’s not in crazy lady’s house,” Mimi said.
Lilly watched as someone bumped into Nicole, causing her to knock her tray over and send her into a tear filled frenzy as Emma stared and watched right next to her.
“Maybe we were the crazy ones,” Lilly said, “Getting kidnapped or hitting your head. Maybe that’s what opens up the world.”
“What?” Mimi asked.
“They both look at the world so differently,” Lilly said. “One of them has come back from the beginning of her life, the other from the end. They’ve seen where we come from and where we’ll end up. We’re just living here.”
“Lilly, when did you get to be so deep?” Mimi asked.
“Uhm,” Lilly said, thinking. “You know, I just… read a book and… there was this chapter about-”
Mimi interrupted her and flatly asked, “Is there an episode of Monster Story where someone gets turned into a baby and someone else dies and then they both come back?”
Lilly didn’t say a word.
“Thought so,” Mimi said.
“It’s a good show,” Lilly said, touching her forehead as a slight headache was forming. “Ugh. Let’s just relax during recess, okay?”
“If you’re afraid you’re going to leak just don’t move too fast,” Mimi said. “You can be the one who twirls the ropes and I’ll do the jumping.”
“I’m not constantly peeing myself,” Lilly said, “I just have a headache is all.”
“So you’re not wet right now?” Mimi asked.
Lilly didn’t say a word.
Chapter 4
Despite skipping school due to a slight fever, Izzy was indeed well enough by evening to go over to Emma’s house for a sleepover. When she arrived, Emma leapt up from the boring card game she was playing with Josie and ran to the door.
“Come on I got the new Tinkerbell movie and a dancing game for the Wii and I wanna show you what you missed in art class today!” Emma grabbed Izzy by the wrist and pulled her up to her room.
Josie sighed and started picking up the cards.
The girls played and watched the movie and hung out until dinner. After having a few slices of pizza each, the girls went upstairs to get dressed.
“I wanna show you something,” Izzy said, stepping back into Emma’s room after visiting the bathroom.
“What is it?” Emma asked, standing in just a Pull-Up and a t-shirt.
Izzy lifted up her nightgown, revealing a pair of the very same brand and style of Pull-Ups that Emma had on. However, instead of the excited reaction she was expecting, Izzy found her friend staring at her the same way she sometimes stared out into the distance.
“What’s wrong?” Izzy asked.
“Why do you have those?” Emma asked. “Did you forget to bring a diaper and take one of mine? It’s okay if you did.”
“These are mine,” Izzy said, lowering her nightgown. “Don’t you like them?”
Emma didn’t say a word.
“I don’t wet that much anymore,” Izzy explained. “Pampers don’t really fit me that anymore and these I can put on without my mom’s help.”
“Whatever,” Emma said, going to her DVD collection. “Do you wanna watch another movie?”
“Are you okay?” Izzy asked.
“I’m fine,” Emma said, holding up a DVD, “Let’s watch this one, okay?”
***
They watched the movie together in silence. Izzy tried to spark up a conversation every so often, but Emma wasn’t having any of that. She wasn’t laughing at any of the jokes, nor was she jumping at any of the scares.
Halfway through the movie, Izzy got up and went to the bathroom. Emma wet her Pull-Up, but changed out of it instantly, feeling gross and disgusted in it. She considered not even putting another one on, but did so anyway.
“I’m tired,” Emma said. Before Izzy could respond, she stood up and left the room.
Izzy was not sure what was going on with her friend. She assumed the Pull-Ups would make her happy, that is why she picked out the same kind that Emma used. But instead they seemed to make her even more upset. Emma was like that, ecstatically happy one moment and seemingly depressed the next. Ever since she jumped off the swings.
Emma returned with a blanket and pillow. She spread them out on the floor and said, “You can sleep here,” and then crawled into bed.
Izzy didn’t say a word. Ever since Emma got out of the hospital and the two grew closer, they had always shared their beds at sleepovers. As Izzy crawled into the makeshift bed, she felt defeated, nothing Emma was doing made sense anymore.
“Good night,” Izzy said. Emma didn’t answer, so Izzy fought back tears as she tried not to cry herself to sleep.
Chapter 5
Emma barely saw Izzy out the door the next morning. She was ready for their sleepover to end even before they went to sleep. After Izzy was gone, Emma plopped down on her bed, leaving the door open.
“I know what’s wrong with you,” a voice said.
Emma looked up and saw Josie in the doorway.
“You don’t know anything,” Emma said.
“I know everything,” Josie said. “While everyone wears diapers for fun, Izzy actually needs them. You’re afraid she’ll stop needing them and then she’ll be normal. She’ll be boring.”
“Get out of my room, Josie,” Emma said, turning away from her.
Josie looked down at her feet, she was standing just at the separation where the hallway carpet turned into the one in Emma’s bedroom.
“You’ve been ignoring your other friends, too,” Josie went on, “When was the last time you even talked to Penny? You spent half the school year trying to win her back and once you have her back you don’t even talk to her.”
“I hurt my head,” Emma said.
“That excuse is getting old,” Josie said as she walked away.
Emma tried not to think about what her sister had said. she sat in silence for a moment, but her damp Pull-Up between her legs was getting clammy and bothersome. She took a shower and decided to put regular underwear on afterwards.
***
Noel was asleep when Izzy got home. With an entire Saturday ahead of her, Izzy considered everything she could do. It was too cold to go outside, which was essentially the words every Pennsylvania child learns first.
Izzy disposed of her Pull-Up, which she had wet in her sleep but did not change out of right away, and unpacked her sleepover bag. Sitting on her dresser was a picture of her and her friends, taken in the hospital on the night Noel was born. The first and list night the ten of them had been together.
Izzy looked so much younger in that picture, but Emma looked older.
Downstairs, Izzy found her mother sitting in the rocking chair, knitting a blanket she had started earlier in the week.
Izzy sat down on the couch next to the rocking chair and watched her mother knit.
“How did you learn how to do that?” Izzy asked.
“My mother taught me,” Mrs. Perez said, “I can teach you if you want.”
Izzy shook her head. “I just like to watch you.”
And she did indeed watch as the blanket grew in size with each loop her mother made in the yarn. Soon it looked nothing like the clump of yarn it once was. It was a complete and whole thing, made up of tiny stitches.
“You’re good at that,” Izzy said.
“Thank you,” her mother said. As Noel began to stir, their mother put her art project down and went to tend to the baby.
Izzy touched the nearly finished blanket. It felt soft. Not just because of the soft yarn it was made of, but because of the way it was put together. Izzy realized that somethings are not as good or as bad as what they are made up of, but it’s how they are put together, like the stitches on a blanket.
Chapter 6
Emma walked into school late, having spent the morning at a doctor’s appointment. She returned now sporting a white bandage across her forehead, completely unaware of what time it was or where her class might have been.
She hadn’t eaten yet, so she checked the cafeteria, but found it empty. She found no one in the classrooms, but was eventually stopped by a teacher who was very curious as to why she was wandering around the halls.
Emma was told that the fourth grade was at recess. She hadn’t thought to check outside, but now that she thought about it the weather had been unusually nice that day. Emma wasn’t particularly hungry, so she made her way to the playground/parking lot area and found the entire school at play. From afar she spotted Lilly and Mimi and Nicole jumping rope. Izzy was nowhere in sight.
“How was the doctor’s?” Mimi asked when Emma approached them and said her greetings.
“It was okay,” she said. “”Where’s Izzy.”
“Bathroom,” Lilly said. “Or something.”
“Okay,” Emma said as she turned back towards the school.
“Where are you going?” Mimi asked.
“I’ll wait for her outside the bathroom,” Emma said.
The three watched her continue, but Lilly stopped her with a stark, “Are you kidding me?”
Emma turned around and asked, “What?”
“You heard me,” Lilly said. “Are you literally kidding me? You are that attached to her? She’s the first person you ask about and you can’t wait to see her so much that you’d rather wait for her right outside the bathroom than right here?”
“She’s my best friend,” Emma said.
“Best friend or crush?” Lilly asked. “You never even talked to her until you found out she wears diapers. Well now everyone wears diapers but you won’t even hang out with us unless she’s around. You don’t talk to Penny or Susie either. We’ve seen more of Josie than you lately. Can’t you go five minutes without being around Izzy?”
Emma took the brunt of it all, but she came back with her own fury. “Crush?” she said, “You think I have a crush? Why do you care so much who I spend my time with? Are you the one who has a crush on me? Did it ever occur to you that Izzy is the one who is obsessed with me? I don’t need her. I don’t even like her that much. I think it’s sad that she still pees in her sleep. Sometimes I wish she would leave me alone.”
Seeing the horror in their eyes, Emma decided that was enough. She turned around and saw Izzy standing right behind her.
“Oh,” she said. “Hi.”
Izzy stormed off, and Emma went after her.
“Well that was… Intense,” Mimi said.
Nicole gasped. “I pooped,” she said.
Mimi sighed and said, “I’ll take you to the nurse.”
Lilly stood there, alone in their corner of the playground. “Well that’s great” she said to no one in particular. “It was my turn to jump. Who’s gonna twirl for me, huh?”
Lilly turned around and saw a first grader she had never seen before standing with his arm extended and his hand open. Sitting on his palm was a small piece of paper.
“Someone told me to give this to you,” the kid said.
Lilly took the note and the kid dashed off. She opened the note and read: “I know your secret.”
Lilly looked around, but saw no one.
Chapter 7
Emma lost track of Izzy somewhere during the mob of freeze taggers, but found her sitting against a tree, crying. She sat down next to her and remained like that for a while, in silence. Emma thought about everything she had said, and what Lilly had said.
“I’m sorry,” Emma said. “I don’t know why I am like this. I don’t know why I like diapers and peeing and I don’t know why I like you so much more than everyone else and I wish I had never woken up in the hospital because ever since then everything has been terrible.”
Izzy wiped her tears. “I don’t think things are terrible,” she said. “I like you. I wish we were best friends before this year. I don’t care if you like me because of my problem. I’m just glad that you like me too.”
“I’m sorry I said you had a crush on me and were obsessed with me,” Emma went on. “And I’m sorry if you didn’t know I said that and are just hearing it now.”
Izzy turned her head and kissed Emma on the cheek.
Emma blushed.
“Listen.” Izzy said as she stood and helped Emma up. “I like wearing diapers and Pull-Ups, but only because it’s better than waking up in a wet bed. Yeah, they’re comfy and feel nice. But I don’t like to wear them all the time.”
“I know,” Emma said. “The doctors said there was no mental damage. But I still feel different. Something changed inside of me when I was in the hospital. I don’t know what it was, but it scares me.”
“We’ll face it together,” Izzy said.
Emma smiled and said, “I wanted you to see this first,” she explained as she reached for the bandage. “This is why I was looking for you.”
As Emma removed the bandage completely, Izzy’s eyes widened and a smile grew on her face at the site of Emma’s forehead, completely empty of stitches. Only a faint scar remained.
“How does it look?” Emma asked. “It took longer than expected and I missed lunch, but it was worth it.”
“It looks fine,” Izzy said, pulling a packaged cookie out of her pocket. “I thought you might be late, so I saved this for you.”
“Thanks!” Emma, realizing how hungry she was, tore the cookie right out of Izzy’s hands and ripped it open as she chomped down on it. “You can have the rest,” Emma said as she handed it back.
Izzy looked at the cookie, parts of it still wet from being in Emma’s mouth. Making no issue of it, Izzy popped the cookie in her mouth and grabbed Emma’s hand. “Come on,” she said as she grabbed Emma’s hand and pulled her best friend along. “There’s still some recess left.”
As they made their way across the parking lot, Izzy stopped pulling on Emma’s hand, but Emma didn’t let go. Instead, she held on tight, interlocking her fingers with Izzy’s. As they held hands, Emma realized that while diapers make her feel happy, there were some things that made her even happier.
Emma woke to a cold, harsh chill. It was the middle of a terrible winter, one of the worst Harmony Hills had ever seen. She hated the cold, it meant playing indoors and having to bundle up in layers just to get in the car. Emma missed the summer. She missed how things used to be.
She ran her fingers across her forehead, and felt the bump of her stitches.
After surgery and recovery and relaxing at home, when Emma was finally given the go ahead to return to school and see the outside world, there was one person she wanted to spend that time with.
Izzy lay sound asleep next to Emma, who watched her chest move up and down. After her recent venture on the swing set Emma had taken to making sure her friends were alive. She didn’t know how to check for a pulse, so she just watched them breath.
Confirming that Izzy had not died in her sleep, something all of her friends had already promised they would not do, Emma had something else she wanted to confirm. She gently reached her hand under the blanket and slowly lifted Izzy’s nightgown above her waist. A light tap was not enough, and so Emma firmly pressed and squeezed on Izzy’s diaper.
Dry.
Just like Emma, Izzy had stayed dry through the night. The only difference between the two was that while the state of Izzy’s nighttime diaper each morning was always in flux, Emma had never been a bedwetter and would only wet hers while conscious.
But that was no fun.
Emma leapt on top of Izzy and started tickling her until her friend jolted awake and started laughing.
“Emma, stop!” Izzy squealed, giggling against her will. “What are you doing?”
Relaxing back on her back, Emma sighed as the two calmed down, having laughed themselves out for now.
“You’re dry,” Emma said.
“Thanks for checking,” Izzy said.
“De nada,” Emma replied, a term she had picked up from her new best friend.
“And you?” Izzy asked, reaching below the blankets, where she found Emma bottomless in a dry Pull-Up.
“No accidents,” Emma said, “I stayed dry all night. Just like I have been for like… five years? Wait a minute...” Emma held up her fingers and started counting to herself. When only three fingers were left, she blushed and moved on. “You wanna go together?” Emma asked, “I’ve been holding it in waiting for you.”
Izzy stood up and walked to her dresser. She reached beneath her nightgown and unlatched her diaper, without exposing anything to Emma. Izzy dropped her dry diaper in the trashcan and grabbed a pair of panties from the dresser.
“Wha?” Emma was dumbfounded. “What a waste! Do you know how expensive diapers are?”
“Yes,” Izzy said as she slipped on her jeans. “Remember, in my house we have to buy two packages. One for Noel and one for me.”
“Well in my house we buy two too,” Emma said. “One for me and one for Josie.”
“You don’t have to,” Izzy said. “And you don’t need to. You just want to.” Izzy replaced her nightgown with a long sleeved shirt and headed to the bathroom.
When she came back, she found Emma in a bit of a huff, her arms crossed and her face showing off a very distinct “I am not happy.”
“Emma, I’m sorry,” Izzy said. “I just don’t feel like it right now. I don’t want to take a bath and everything.” Emma wasn’t budging. “I mean if you still want to-”
“I already am,” Emma said.
Izzy realized she misunderstood Emma’s face. She wasn’t angry, she was just concentrating. And then she sighed in relief.
Izzy smiled. “Feel better?”
Emma shrugged, then nodded. “I like when you do it to. It’s like we’re twins. Sometimes I wish we were real sisters.”
“But I love Noel,” Izzy said, “And you love Josie.”
“I know,” Emma said, the warmth already starting to fade from her now soggy Pull-Up. “It’s weird. When I first woke up, after I got hurt, I felt like I was in a strange world. It’s weird getting used to it. Sometimes I miss the dream. Sometimes I want to go back and live there instead.”
Chapter 2
Emma was picked up at noon. The girls simply spent the rest of their morning relaxing in front of the TV and eating breakfast. Noel started crying so Izzy brought her into the room to distract her for a bit. As much as Emma liked doing baby like things, she wasn’t a big fan of being in the presence of an actual two month old person. Maybe once she was older they could hang out.
“Did you have fun?” Emma’s mom asked.
Emma stared out the window as they drove home. “Yeah,” she said under her breath.
Ever since she got out of the hospital, Emma had seemed quiet and distant. She didn’t say much at school or at home, and she never wanted to hang out with any of her friends. She would talk to them at lunch and recess, but she didn’t want to go over anyone’s house to play or sleepover. Unless it was a party with the whole group. Unless it was just Izzy.
For some reason, even though pretty much everyone had finally acquired diapers, Emma was attracted to Izzy the most. Lilly and Mimi wore them for fun, the same as her. Nicole and Abigail had sad reasons to wear them. But Izzy was a bedwetter. She legitimately had problems at night. Problems that reminded Emma of a young Penny. Problems that Emma secretly enjoyed. Problems that were disappearing.
Izzy was not always a bedwetter. It would come and go in phases and lately it seemed like the current phase was ending. She had more dry nights than wet and, while the two did enjoy playing in and wetting their diapers together, even that fun was starting to end.
Everything changed after Emma jumped off the swing.
Emma and Izzy became best friends. Diaper play aside, the two really did have much in common. Izzy was always a bit on the immature side and as Emma regressed the two were on the same level. But as Izzy started to grow up a bit, taking on big sisterly duties, Emma felt her friend slipping away.
***
Izzy closed the book and said, “The end,” even though Noel was already asleep. She stood up and put the book away. While it made her baby sister sleepy, Izzy didn’t think it was a particularly good book. Too much tell and not enough show.
“She’s finally down?” Izzy’s mother came in from the kitchen. Izzy nodded, and her mother asked, “Want me to help you get ready for bed?”
“It’s still light out,” Izzy said.
“You always get so wrapped up in what you’re doing before bed,” her mother said.
“I can do it myself,” Izzy said.
“Oh really?” her mother asked. “Whenever you put them on yourself I have to do laundry. It’s worse than you not wearing a diaper at all.”
“I might not even need them,” Izzy said, not making eye contact anymore. “I have been dry three days this week.”
Mrs. Perez knew something was wrong. She sat her daugher down and asked, “Is something wrong, Isabella?”
Izzy wasn’t going to say anything, but she knew this was a family that had no secrets. “I’m nine years old now,” Izzy said. “When Emma turned nine, she decided she didn’t like growing up anymore. That’s why she wears diapers.”
“I see,” her mother said. “Do you feel this way? You know I will let you wear them whenever you want, right?”
Izzy shook her head, “It’s not that. Actually,” Izzy took another moment to think first, but her mother cut her off.
“I think I understand,” Mrs. Perez thought. “Those Pampers are for a baby. I think we should get you something more for your age next time we go to the store? Something you can put on by yourself?”
Izzy thought it over for a second, and then said, “I’d like that.”
Chapter 3
“And so in the first episode it turns out that Monster Story was actually just a TV show and a video game and the kids in the real world get monsters for real. And instead of going to the monster world the bad monsters come to the real world and the kids fight them with their monsters and they’re all dark and have emotions and stuff.”
Everyone stared at Lilly, who had taken over the first five minutes of their lunch conversation.
“And then what?” Nicole asked.
“Stop!” Mimi held her hands up, “I’m begging you stop!!!”
“You’re the one with Monster Story Pull-Ups,” Lilly said.
“They’re called Moony Man Pantsu,” Mimi explained. “They just so happen to have knock off characters on them. And they’re cute as hell.”
Nicole gasped.
“Oh, please,” Mimi rolled her eyes. “I love you, Nicole but if I can’t say hell around you we’re going to have a problem.”
“We never should have watched Protectors of the Planets,” Lilly said. “Now you think it’s so cool to say the H word.”
“We’re big kids now,” Mimi said, “It’s what we do.”
“You fit a different sort of definition of big kid,” Lilly said.
“Me too!” Nicole cheered.
Lilly rolled her eyes and turned to the other corner of their tabe. The quiet corner. Where Emma sat.
“Emma,” she asked. “What are you thinking about?”
Emma looked up from her lunch and stared at them all, and then at the empty seat beside her.. “Izzy’s sick today.”
“Yes,” Lilly said. “Yes she is.”
Emma said nothing else.
“Isn’t she sleeping over tonight?” Mimi asked.
“She’s supposed to,” Emma said, looking back at her lunch.
“Well I’m not doing anything tonight,” Lilly said.
“Me neither,” Mimi added.
“Cool,” Emma, done fiddling with her half-eaten lunch, took her tray and walked off.
Lilly and Mimi sighed.
“Why don’t you too have a sleepover?” Nicole asked.
“The worst part about her living with Abigail is that Abigail is nice now,” Lilly said.
Mimi nodded. “You’d think she would toughen Nicole up a bit, but I bet Nicole is the one making Abigail softer.”
Mimi and Lilly looked at Nicole and nodded.
Nicole’s eyebrows narrowed and she said, “I’m sitting right here, guys. I can hear you.”
They gasped. “You can?” Lilly asked.
“Go to hell,” Nicole picked up her tray and followed Emma.
“What’s her deal?” Lilly asked.
“Sometimes she’s like her old self,” Mimi said, “Confident and stuff.”
“And other times she’ll stub her toe and fall over and start crying,” Lilly said. “And then poop in her pants.”
“At least she’s not in crazy lady’s house,” Mimi said.
Lilly watched as someone bumped into Nicole, causing her to knock her tray over and send her into a tear filled frenzy as Emma stared and watched right next to her.
“Maybe we were the crazy ones,” Lilly said, “Getting kidnapped or hitting your head. Maybe that’s what opens up the world.”
“What?” Mimi asked.
“They both look at the world so differently,” Lilly said. “One of them has come back from the beginning of her life, the other from the end. They’ve seen where we come from and where we’ll end up. We’re just living here.”
“Lilly, when did you get to be so deep?” Mimi asked.
“Uhm,” Lilly said, thinking. “You know, I just… read a book and… there was this chapter about-”
Mimi interrupted her and flatly asked, “Is there an episode of Monster Story where someone gets turned into a baby and someone else dies and then they both come back?”
Lilly didn’t say a word.
“Thought so,” Mimi said.
“It’s a good show,” Lilly said, touching her forehead as a slight headache was forming. “Ugh. Let’s just relax during recess, okay?”
“If you’re afraid you’re going to leak just don’t move too fast,” Mimi said. “You can be the one who twirls the ropes and I’ll do the jumping.”
“I’m not constantly peeing myself,” Lilly said, “I just have a headache is all.”
“So you’re not wet right now?” Mimi asked.
Lilly didn’t say a word.
Chapter 4
Despite skipping school due to a slight fever, Izzy was indeed well enough by evening to go over to Emma’s house for a sleepover. When she arrived, Emma leapt up from the boring card game she was playing with Josie and ran to the door.
“Come on I got the new Tinkerbell movie and a dancing game for the Wii and I wanna show you what you missed in art class today!” Emma grabbed Izzy by the wrist and pulled her up to her room.
Josie sighed and started picking up the cards.
The girls played and watched the movie and hung out until dinner. After having a few slices of pizza each, the girls went upstairs to get dressed.
“I wanna show you something,” Izzy said, stepping back into Emma’s room after visiting the bathroom.
“What is it?” Emma asked, standing in just a Pull-Up and a t-shirt.
Izzy lifted up her nightgown, revealing a pair of the very same brand and style of Pull-Ups that Emma had on. However, instead of the excited reaction she was expecting, Izzy found her friend staring at her the same way she sometimes stared out into the distance.
“What’s wrong?” Izzy asked.
“Why do you have those?” Emma asked. “Did you forget to bring a diaper and take one of mine? It’s okay if you did.”
“These are mine,” Izzy said, lowering her nightgown. “Don’t you like them?”
Emma didn’t say a word.
“I don’t wet that much anymore,” Izzy explained. “Pampers don’t really fit me that anymore and these I can put on without my mom’s help.”
“Whatever,” Emma said, going to her DVD collection. “Do you wanna watch another movie?”
“Are you okay?” Izzy asked.
“I’m fine,” Emma said, holding up a DVD, “Let’s watch this one, okay?”
***
They watched the movie together in silence. Izzy tried to spark up a conversation every so often, but Emma wasn’t having any of that. She wasn’t laughing at any of the jokes, nor was she jumping at any of the scares.
Halfway through the movie, Izzy got up and went to the bathroom. Emma wet her Pull-Up, but changed out of it instantly, feeling gross and disgusted in it. She considered not even putting another one on, but did so anyway.
“I’m tired,” Emma said. Before Izzy could respond, she stood up and left the room.
Izzy was not sure what was going on with her friend. She assumed the Pull-Ups would make her happy, that is why she picked out the same kind that Emma used. But instead they seemed to make her even more upset. Emma was like that, ecstatically happy one moment and seemingly depressed the next. Ever since she jumped off the swings.
Emma returned with a blanket and pillow. She spread them out on the floor and said, “You can sleep here,” and then crawled into bed.
Izzy didn’t say a word. Ever since Emma got out of the hospital and the two grew closer, they had always shared their beds at sleepovers. As Izzy crawled into the makeshift bed, she felt defeated, nothing Emma was doing made sense anymore.
“Good night,” Izzy said. Emma didn’t answer, so Izzy fought back tears as she tried not to cry herself to sleep.
Chapter 5
Emma barely saw Izzy out the door the next morning. She was ready for their sleepover to end even before they went to sleep. After Izzy was gone, Emma plopped down on her bed, leaving the door open.
“I know what’s wrong with you,” a voice said.
Emma looked up and saw Josie in the doorway.
“You don’t know anything,” Emma said.
“I know everything,” Josie said. “While everyone wears diapers for fun, Izzy actually needs them. You’re afraid she’ll stop needing them and then she’ll be normal. She’ll be boring.”
“Get out of my room, Josie,” Emma said, turning away from her.
Josie looked down at her feet, she was standing just at the separation where the hallway carpet turned into the one in Emma’s bedroom.
“You’ve been ignoring your other friends, too,” Josie went on, “When was the last time you even talked to Penny? You spent half the school year trying to win her back and once you have her back you don’t even talk to her.”
“I hurt my head,” Emma said.
“That excuse is getting old,” Josie said as she walked away.
Emma tried not to think about what her sister had said. she sat in silence for a moment, but her damp Pull-Up between her legs was getting clammy and bothersome. She took a shower and decided to put regular underwear on afterwards.
***
Noel was asleep when Izzy got home. With an entire Saturday ahead of her, Izzy considered everything she could do. It was too cold to go outside, which was essentially the words every Pennsylvania child learns first.
Izzy disposed of her Pull-Up, which she had wet in her sleep but did not change out of right away, and unpacked her sleepover bag. Sitting on her dresser was a picture of her and her friends, taken in the hospital on the night Noel was born. The first and list night the ten of them had been together.
Izzy looked so much younger in that picture, but Emma looked older.
Downstairs, Izzy found her mother sitting in the rocking chair, knitting a blanket she had started earlier in the week.
Izzy sat down on the couch next to the rocking chair and watched her mother knit.
“How did you learn how to do that?” Izzy asked.
“My mother taught me,” Mrs. Perez said, “I can teach you if you want.”
Izzy shook her head. “I just like to watch you.”
And she did indeed watch as the blanket grew in size with each loop her mother made in the yarn. Soon it looked nothing like the clump of yarn it once was. It was a complete and whole thing, made up of tiny stitches.
“You’re good at that,” Izzy said.
“Thank you,” her mother said. As Noel began to stir, their mother put her art project down and went to tend to the baby.
Izzy touched the nearly finished blanket. It felt soft. Not just because of the soft yarn it was made of, but because of the way it was put together. Izzy realized that somethings are not as good or as bad as what they are made up of, but it’s how they are put together, like the stitches on a blanket.
Chapter 6
Emma walked into school late, having spent the morning at a doctor’s appointment. She returned now sporting a white bandage across her forehead, completely unaware of what time it was or where her class might have been.
She hadn’t eaten yet, so she checked the cafeteria, but found it empty. She found no one in the classrooms, but was eventually stopped by a teacher who was very curious as to why she was wandering around the halls.
Emma was told that the fourth grade was at recess. She hadn’t thought to check outside, but now that she thought about it the weather had been unusually nice that day. Emma wasn’t particularly hungry, so she made her way to the playground/parking lot area and found the entire school at play. From afar she spotted Lilly and Mimi and Nicole jumping rope. Izzy was nowhere in sight.
“How was the doctor’s?” Mimi asked when Emma approached them and said her greetings.
“It was okay,” she said. “”Where’s Izzy.”
“Bathroom,” Lilly said. “Or something.”
“Okay,” Emma said as she turned back towards the school.
“Where are you going?” Mimi asked.
“I’ll wait for her outside the bathroom,” Emma said.
The three watched her continue, but Lilly stopped her with a stark, “Are you kidding me?”
Emma turned around and asked, “What?”
“You heard me,” Lilly said. “Are you literally kidding me? You are that attached to her? She’s the first person you ask about and you can’t wait to see her so much that you’d rather wait for her right outside the bathroom than right here?”
“She’s my best friend,” Emma said.
“Best friend or crush?” Lilly asked. “You never even talked to her until you found out she wears diapers. Well now everyone wears diapers but you won’t even hang out with us unless she’s around. You don’t talk to Penny or Susie either. We’ve seen more of Josie than you lately. Can’t you go five minutes without being around Izzy?”
Emma took the brunt of it all, but she came back with her own fury. “Crush?” she said, “You think I have a crush? Why do you care so much who I spend my time with? Are you the one who has a crush on me? Did it ever occur to you that Izzy is the one who is obsessed with me? I don’t need her. I don’t even like her that much. I think it’s sad that she still pees in her sleep. Sometimes I wish she would leave me alone.”
Seeing the horror in their eyes, Emma decided that was enough. She turned around and saw Izzy standing right behind her.
“Oh,” she said. “Hi.”
Izzy stormed off, and Emma went after her.
“Well that was… Intense,” Mimi said.
Nicole gasped. “I pooped,” she said.
Mimi sighed and said, “I’ll take you to the nurse.”
Lilly stood there, alone in their corner of the playground. “Well that’s great” she said to no one in particular. “It was my turn to jump. Who’s gonna twirl for me, huh?”
Lilly turned around and saw a first grader she had never seen before standing with his arm extended and his hand open. Sitting on his palm was a small piece of paper.
“Someone told me to give this to you,” the kid said.
Lilly took the note and the kid dashed off. She opened the note and read: “I know your secret.”
Lilly looked around, but saw no one.
Chapter 7
Emma lost track of Izzy somewhere during the mob of freeze taggers, but found her sitting against a tree, crying. She sat down next to her and remained like that for a while, in silence. Emma thought about everything she had said, and what Lilly had said.
“I’m sorry,” Emma said. “I don’t know why I am like this. I don’t know why I like diapers and peeing and I don’t know why I like you so much more than everyone else and I wish I had never woken up in the hospital because ever since then everything has been terrible.”
Izzy wiped her tears. “I don’t think things are terrible,” she said. “I like you. I wish we were best friends before this year. I don’t care if you like me because of my problem. I’m just glad that you like me too.”
“I’m sorry I said you had a crush on me and were obsessed with me,” Emma went on. “And I’m sorry if you didn’t know I said that and are just hearing it now.”
Izzy turned her head and kissed Emma on the cheek.
Emma blushed.
“Listen.” Izzy said as she stood and helped Emma up. “I like wearing diapers and Pull-Ups, but only because it’s better than waking up in a wet bed. Yeah, they’re comfy and feel nice. But I don’t like to wear them all the time.”
“I know,” Emma said. “The doctors said there was no mental damage. But I still feel different. Something changed inside of me when I was in the hospital. I don’t know what it was, but it scares me.”
“We’ll face it together,” Izzy said.
Emma smiled and said, “I wanted you to see this first,” she explained as she reached for the bandage. “This is why I was looking for you.”
As Emma removed the bandage completely, Izzy’s eyes widened and a smile grew on her face at the site of Emma’s forehead, completely empty of stitches. Only a faint scar remained.
“How does it look?” Emma asked. “It took longer than expected and I missed lunch, but it was worth it.”
“It looks fine,” Izzy said, pulling a packaged cookie out of her pocket. “I thought you might be late, so I saved this for you.”
“Thanks!” Emma, realizing how hungry she was, tore the cookie right out of Izzy’s hands and ripped it open as she chomped down on it. “You can have the rest,” Emma said as she handed it back.
Izzy looked at the cookie, parts of it still wet from being in Emma’s mouth. Making no issue of it, Izzy popped the cookie in her mouth and grabbed Emma’s hand. “Come on,” she said as she grabbed Emma’s hand and pulled her best friend along. “There’s still some recess left.”
As they made their way across the parking lot, Izzy stopped pulling on Emma’s hand, but Emma didn’t let go. Instead, she held on tight, interlocking her fingers with Izzy’s. As they held hands, Emma realized that while diapers make her feel happy, there were some things that made her even happier.