Chapter 1
Nicole was a shimmer, a light twirling on the stage. Dance was something that belonged to her, and her alone. All of her friends played at the same playground together, they had all the same homework, and played with the same dolls together.
But every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, Nicole was alone on the stage. Sure, there were girls from other towns, but this was something Nicole needed. She loved her friends, but she was glad she had space away from all of them.
Well, most of them.
“You know, Nicole,” Abigail said when the class was over, “If you were two times a better dancer, you’d still be awful.”
Nicole raised an eyebrow. Abigail’s insults never phased her, but that one confused Nicole on a sheer grammatical basis. Or perhaps this was more of a math issue.
“Abigail,” Nicole retorted, “It’s a shame we don’t get to hang out more often.” Nicole walked off, satisfied that obvious sarcasm had more sting than a constructed insult.
* * *
“Did you have fun tonight?” Page asked from the front seat.
Nicole nodded from the backseat. Page was the assistant of the Mayor of Harmony Hills, who just so happened to be Nicole’s father. For a large amount of the time, assistant was just another word for baby sitter.
“The parts where Abigail was out of the room were great,” Nicole said, “I could dance all day if I wanted. I only need breaks from her.”
“I take it Abigail isn’t warming up to you yet?” Page asked.
“Is that a serious question?” Nicole was almost offended. “That prissy princess can go far far away from me and I wouldn’t miss her one bit. And she can take her big, ugly goldy locks with her.”
“And your hair,” Page said, peeking in from the rear-view mirror, “It’s still up.”
“Is that a problem?” Nicole asked.
“No,” Page said, “It’s just unusual. You typically take it down after dance.”
“This is how you wear it,” Nicole responded.
“Are you trying to look like me?” Page asked.
“I’m trying to look like a grown-up,” Nicole said.
Page snickered. “I’d try to stay young forever if I were you,” she said, “You don’t actually grow into being an adult over time. you just wake up one day and suddenly you already are one. And besides. How old do you think I am?”
Nicole shrugged. “Thirty?” she asked.
“Well,” Page said, “You had worse answers to that question when you were younger. I like your hair when it’s down. You should be proud of your hair. It’s not like the other girls’ hair in town.”
“That’s because I’m black,” Nicole said.
“Yes,” Page said, “I know. And your hair isn’t all crazy like so many black girls these days with beads and weaves and corn things. You should show it off by letting it down.”
“Is the Mayor going to be home for dinner?” Nicole changed the subject.
“I don’t know,” Page said, “He’s very busy.”
“He’s always busy,” Nicole said, sulking down into her seat.
“Well,” Page explained, “He’s been working on a very important project.”
“Is he going to run for president?” Nicole chirped up. It was something she and the Mayor had talked about when she was younger.
“You’ll just have to wait and see,” Page said.
The last campaign was fun, she got to go to all sorts of places with the Mayor, before he was the Mayor. But now she could possibly travel the entire country with him.
Nicole was looking forward to it.
Chapter 2
When Nicole got to school the next morning, she found and approached her best friends, Izzy and Rena, at their cubbies.
“Hey guys,” she said as she hung up her backpack.
“Nicole, tell Izzy that there is no such thing as a stork,” Rena said.
“Huh?” Nicole was confused. “There is. We saw a bunch at the zoo, remember?”
“Toldja!” Izzy said with a big grin.
“No, not that,” Rena went on, “Izzy says the stork is what brings new babies.”
“That’s what my mommy told me,” Izzy said.
“Tell her she’s wrong!” Rena said.
“Well where do you think babies come from?” Nicole asked Rena.
“Everyone knows that,” Rena said, “From the mom’s stomach.
“That’s just a myth!” Izzy declared, “If that’s true, then how do they get the baby out?”
Rena leaned in close to Izzy and said, “They cut their bellies open.”
Izzy gasped.
“I’m sitting down,” Nicole said as she walked away..
At her desk, Nicole turned to Emma, who was lost in her own thought as she suddenly started giggling.
“What are you giggling about?” Nicole asked.
Broken from her trance, Emma smiled, and then whispered to her, “I have a secret.”
“Okay?” Nicole was expecting something more than that. She realized there was nothing else to it. The bell rang, and everyone else hurried to their seats.
***
After school, Nicole went home and started her homework. After that was done, she was looking for a snack when there was a knock at the door.
“We’re bored,” Rena said, standing on the front porch with Izzy. Moments later, they were hanging out in Nicole’s room.
“I don’t know how you wear those things,” Rena said, examining Nicole’s leotard that was hung up.
“That’s because all you wear is jeans,” Nicole said, “Jeans and cargo shorts and basketball shorts. Typical tomboy wardrobe.”
“UGHH!” Rena exclaimed, “You know how much I hate being called that. Why is a tomboy a type of girl if it’s got the word boy in it. Why not call it a tomgirl?”
“A tomgirl is a boy who acts like a girl,” Izzy said.
“Thank you, Izzy, Rena said sarcastically.
“I think your leotard is pretty,” Izzy said to Nicole.
Nicole smiled and said, “Thank you, Izzy,” with full sincerity.
“So what’s it like hanging out with the Scream Queen?” Rena asked Nicole.
“Abigail?” Nicole checked to make sure that’s who Rena meant. “She’s really just an annoyance at this point. She insults me, I brush it off and that’s it.”
“What’s the point of that?” Rena asked, “What does she get from insulting everyone.
“She thinks she’s a princess,” Nicole explained.
“That’s not what a princess does,” Izzy said, “A princess is kindhearted and treats her subjects with love and respect. Abigail is more like an evil queen, hating everyone and trying to make them hate her.”
“But why?” Rena repeated her question.
“Because,” Izzy said, “The evil queen is jealous of the princess.”
“But who is the princess in this story?” Nicole asked.
“And when is the prince gonna come and cut her head off?” Rena asked a question that everyone was wondering.
Chapter 3
“You must have been born on a highway,” Abigail said. She had clearly been saving that one for the next dance class.
The insult had stumped Nicole. She turned to her bully, while packing her own bag, and realized that Abigail was actually setting up her own insults now. “What?” she asked.
“Because that’s where most accidents happen,” Abigail proudly said.
“Do you just sit at home, planning these out or looking them up online so you can dish them out later?”
Abigail’s eyes widened. Nicole seemed to have won, but the victory was interrupted by an adult approaching.
“Hey, Abigail,” Mrs. Shepard said, “Oh, and hello, Nicole.”
Nicole smiled. This wasn’t Mrs. Shepard, mother of Nicole’s worst nightmare. It was the other Mrs. Shepard, mother of Nicole’s good friend Emma, who was also standing in front of them.
“Hi, Emma,” Nicole said.
“Abigail, your mother asked us to come get you, she’s held up at the bank,” Mrs. Shepard said.
“Okay,” Abigail smiled and hopped up, “Goodbye, Nicole.”
Abigail was ready to walk off, but Mrs. Shepard stopped at looked around. Nicole was the only dancer left.
“Nicole, is someone coming to get you?” Mrs. Shepard asked.
Nicole wasn’t sure. Page typically would have arrived by now. “I’ll call,” she said.
The phone call was short. Page, and the Mayor, had to head to D.C. on an emergency trip. Upon hearing this, Mrs. Shepard grabbed the phone, and immediately offered to keep Nicole for the night.
“Come on, sweetie,” Mrs. Shepard said. And in two seconds Nicole went from being stranded at the dance studio to being on the way to a sleepover.
* * *
“So, Nicole,” Mr. Shepard started at dinner that night. “What kind of business is the Mayor up to in Washington?”
“Ken!” Mrs. Shepard scolded her husband.
“What?” he gave an innocent shrug, “Nicole is the Mayor’s daughter. It’s like we have an inside scoop staying at our house.”
“Honestly, Ken,” Anne shook her head.
“Is he gonna run for president?” Emma asked, excited.
“Let’s all leave Nicole alone,” Anne said. “Honey, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”
Nicole shrugged. “He works a lot. I don’t really know what he’s been doing. I don’t see him a lot.”
“Who typically stays with you?” Anne asked.
“Page,” Nicole said, “His assistant. She takes me to school and picks me up from places and works with him during the day. Sometimes he’s around on the weekends and stuff. He’s very busy.”
Nicole was simply talking, hoping to shirk questions about her mother. She wasn’t looking to bring that up.
* * *
“Here you go,” Emma said, handing Nicole a set of pajamas. Nicole had been sitting in Emma’s room while Emma was changing.
“Thanks,” Nicole said, as she walked off to change. In the bathroom, Nicole examined the pajamas she had be lent. They were overly childish, pink and decorated with teddy bears. When she had the full outfit on, she looked like a little kid with corporate hair.
Nicole returned to Emma’s room, and looked around. “Where am I sleeping?” she asked.
“My bed’s big enough for both of us,” Emma said.
Nicole sighed, “Whatever, I’m tired.” Nicole sat on the bed and stretched. “Your cousin is a real piece of work.”
“You wanna know what’s weird?” Emma asked. “You probably spend more time with her than I do.”
“I just wish she would shut up,” Nicole went on. “Her insults don’t hurt me, they’re just annoying. It would make my day if her tongue fell out. And both of her legs broke. And she got acne.”
Emma giggled. “I’ll get another pillow.”
Emma stood up and walked out the room and down the hall to the linen closet. For a brief second, something caught Nicole’s eye.
While she knew it was probably her eyes playing games on her, she actually thought that for a second that she saw a diaper poking out of Emma’s pajama pants.
Chapter 4
The next day, much to her excitement, Nicole was not stranded at school and forced to spend another night away from home. Page’s car drove up to the school on time, and the two were soon headed home.
“So what was going on in Washington? When can I see the Mayor?” Nicole asked when they got home, as Page had said little in the car.
“That’s the thing, kid,” Page said, “He’s gotten himself in a little bit of trouble.”
“What kind of trouble?” Nicole asked, “Is he okay?”
“Honey, I know how much you try to be big,” Page said, “But you’re still just a kid. you wouldn’t understand if I told you three times, so let’s just leave it at this: He was keeping secrets.”
At that, Page sent Nicole to her room. Nicole was heartbroken. She never worried about the Mayor being away for so long. As she lay in bed that night, she found herself having all sorts of nightmares. The worst was the one where she never saw him again.
* * *
After getting over her brief hysterics about the mayor, Nicole managed to carry on with her life. Dance class could not have come quickly enough.
Simply being in a leotard changed everything for Nicole. She felt free, able to go wherever her body could take her. Nicole was painting pictures in the air, limited only by the flexibility of her own arms and legs.
After class wrapped up, Nicole was packing up her bag. Abigail soon approached, having changed out of her leotard and into a nice purple dress that flowed out past her knees.
“Do you like it?” she asked. “My daddy just got it for me. I couldn’t decide between this one or the pink one, so I made him buy me both.”
“That’s fabulous,” Nicole said, glad they got their daily banter taken care of quickly.
However, Abigail wasn’t done yet. “Oh, Nicole what happened?” she continued.
“What are you talking about?” Nicole wasn’t aware that they were still doing their usual thing, so she assumed something was actually wrong.
“Your face!” Abigail said, with a look of genuine concern on her face.
Nicole touched her face and asked, “What’s wrong with my face?”
“It looks like it caught on fire,” Abigail said, “And someone tried to put it out with a shovel.”
Nicole rolled her eyes. “How did my face catch on fire?” she asked.
Abigail wasn't expecting a follow up. She thought about it for a second, but Nicole interrupted her.
“Nevermind, I don’t care anymore, Abigail,” Nicole said, “You’re not insulting, just annoying. So just stop it. Nothing you say is actually mean, it’s sad really.”
Taken back, Abigail paused for a moment. She then put on a big grin and asked., “You wanna know what’s sad?” Nicole readied herself for another one of Abigail’s zingers. “The fact that you’re daddy the Mayor would rather sit in his office all week then spend two seconds with you.”
Nicole’s eyes instantly began to water, but she held back actual tears and found a better solution.
It happened in the flash. One second, truly hurtful words were escaping Abigail’s mouth. A second later, Abigail was on the floor. At some point in between those two seconds, Abigail’s mouth got in the way of Nicole’s fist.
Everyone was suddenly staring at them. Abigail looked up at Nicole. At first, it seemed as though she was unphased, as she had always shrugged off Nicole’s counter-attacks. But this time, there was no shrugging it off.
Abigail began to cry.
That happened even quicker. Within a split second Abigail’s eyes began to water, tears started pouring down her face, and she was hollering like she had broken her legs.
“Nicole!?” the dance teacher ran over and helped Abigail up. “What did you do that for?” she shouted.
“She said-” Nicole knew there was no fighting it. Abigail’s wails were proof enough of what Nicole already knew.
She had finally lost the battle.
Chapter 5
There was no one to actually punish Nicole. The dance instructors told Page that she should take a couple days off. And that was that.
The weekend came, and Nicole was left to her own devices. On days when the summer heat was still sticking around, she and her friends tried to make the most of it.
They often met in the playground that was right behind Nicole’s house. It was a small area, but it connected Nicole, Izzy, and Rena’s neighborhood to Emma and the other’s.
Nicole looked out her window and could see that no one was there. It was the perfect place to be alone.
Nicole left the house and went off to the playground. She found herself just sitting on the swings for a moment.
She had hit Abigail Shepard. In the face. It was something dozens of kids had wanted to do, but she did it first. So why did it feel so horrible?
The moment Abigail had started crying, Nicole realized that she was a real kid who actually could be hurt. Nicole was ashamed of herself for sinking so low.
In all of her sulking, Nicole failed to notice someone sneaking up on her.
“You hit her?” Emma asked.
Nicole looked up, confused. “Do you actually care?” Nicole asked.
“No, I think it’s really cool,” Emma said, “I wish I were that brave.”
“So what do you want?” Nicole asked.
Emma was taken back. “Nothing,” she said, “I just saw you sitting here alone and thought you needed some company.”
“Emma, not everyone needs to constantly be attended to,” Nicole said.
“What is wrong with you?” Emma asked, frustrated with the way her friend was acting.
Nicole took a pause, then asked, “What’s your secret? Tell me.”
“That’s not how secrets work,” Emma said.
“Then tell me this,” Nicole changed her tactics, “When I slept over, were you wearing a diaper?”
“No,” Emma said.
Nicole was not convinced, “Don’t keep secrets!” she nearly shouted. “Secrets get people in trouble.”
Emma was confused, but eventually gave in. “My new neighbor, Susie. She gave them to me. They’re her brother’s.”
Nicole was not expecting to find out where they came from, she assumed her mom bought them for her because of bedwetting or medical reasons. “Why?” she asked.
Emma shrugged. “I just... like wearing them.” She closed her eyes, waiting for Nicole’s reaction. After a few seconds, Emma looked up, and found that there were tears rolling down Nicole’s cheeks.
“Nicole?” Emma reached over to her friend, and soon Nicole was crying her eyes out and shouting like a baby.
Chapter 6
Nicole blew her nose. She sat on Emma’s bed, having been led back there by her caring friend. When she pulled herself together, Nicole told Emma everything about the Mayor getting into trouble, and how she thinks she might never see him again.
“I know how you feel,” Emma said, “I mean, my daddy isn’t gone, but I’ve been really upset lately too.”
“Really?” Nicole sniffled, “Why?”
Emma nodded. “After my birthday, and starting school without Penny,” Emma herself was starting to tear up. “I don’t want to grow up this fast. Next year we’ll be in middle school and then high school and you’ll be in the dancers clique and Rena will hang out with the sports teams and Penny will be too old to hang out with me. I just want to stay little for a bit longer.”
“I didn’t know,” Nicole said, “You hide it well, that’s for sure. How do you get over it?”
“The diapers,” Emma admitted, “They make me feel young again. Instead of turning nine and being in fourth grade, I’m in preschool, when we all first met and Penny was in our class and all we did was play all day.”
“Huh,” Nicole said, “You’re right. Things were much simpler when we were all in diapers. Everything went downhill when we all got potty trained.”
“I know, right?” Emma laughed through her teary eyes.
“It’s hard to believe you just get happier by wearing a diaper,” Nicole shrugged.
“Hang on,” Emma stood up and went to her dresser.
“What are you doing?” Nicole asked as Emma rummaged through her drawers.
“Here,” she said, returning and handing Nicole a diaper. “It’s my last one. And you need it more than I do.”
“I don’t know,” Nicole said, “I might be brave enough to punch Abigail in the face, but I could never wear a diaper.”
“Hey,” Emma said, “You’ll never know until you try.”
* * *
When Nicole returned to her house she hid the diaper behind her and slowly tried to sneak it past Page, who was lounging in the living room.
“Where were you?” Page asked.
Nicole stopped and said, “In the playground,” she said.
“Go to bed,” Page replied.
Nicole was confused. It was still light out, and yet Page looked like she was ready for a nap. Her makeup was smeared and her hair was down.
“Where is the Mayor?” Nicole asked. “I want to see him. When is he coming home?”
“He’s not coming home,” Page said.
Nicole moved closer to her. There was an empty wine bottle on the couch and a newly opened one in Page’s grasp.
“Why?” Nicole asked, now suddenly realizing that her fears about the Mayor were coming true.
“You wanna know?” Page asked, “You want to be an adult? The Mayor is currently being held at the county jail, awaiting trial as a result of his involvement in a...”
The rest of the speech was white noise. Nicole knew that Page was using big words to purposefully mock her. But Nicole didn’t need to hear anymore. She knew what a jail was.
“What’s going to happen to me?” she interrupted.
Page swallowed a gulp of wine and said, “A social worker is on the way. You will be taken somewhere for the night and then... I don’t know.”
“I want to stay at Emma’s,” Nicole said, attempting to take control of the situation. “They let me sleepover there before.”
“Kid,” Page said, “You really have a lot to learn.
Chapter 7
Nicole lost track of how long they were driving. She was caught up in everything that was happening. When they stopped and she got outside, she was certain they were still in Harmony Hills, but not exactly sure as to where.
The social worker led her to the front door. Nicole had nothing with her but her backpack, which she had packed in a hurry.
“Nicole, this is Miss Kathy,” the social worker introduced Nicole to an older woman. She looked like a mom.
“Hello sweetie, how are you doing?” Miss Kathy asked. Nicole said nothing.
The next thing she knew, Nicole was left in the house with Kathy. She looked around. Everything was normal looking - it was just a house. It wasn’t as luxurious as what she was used to, but it was still normal.
Nicole had always assumed foster care was something completely different. This was just normal.
“Is there anything you need?” Kathy asked. Nicole shook her head. “You’re probably just tired. Let me show you to your room.
It was all happening so fast. She was being led up to her new room, by her new mom, in her new house. Her new life.
When the arrived, Nicole didn’t get a good look at the room. She simply crawled into the bed and closed her eyes.
* * *
The Mayor was gone. It would have been nice if he had been busy because he was going to become President. Or if he had been hosting the Thanksgiving pageant. It would even be better if he had turned into a giant snake.
But he was just gone.
Nicole was fighting these thoughts all night, unable to fall asleep at first. When she finally told herself she was only dreaming, the real dreams began. First her mother, than the Mayor, and now Nicole herself was gone. There was nothing left of her. She was a broken shell where a girl once was.
She dreamt of all her friends, happily living with both of their parents, smiling as Nicole wept. The only person who was sort of nice to her was Emma, who had actually managed to stay little forever.
That’s what Nicole wanted. She wanted to be back in preschool, when everyone was happy and she was with her mother and the Mayor.
When the sunlight woke her, she gradually came to realize that her dream was only a dream, and that the previous day’s events had indeed occurred.
She looked around at the room, not her room but someone else’s. While she hadn’t gotten a good look at it the night before, she knew that certain things certainly weren’t there the night before. Dozen of girly toys, including a doll house, things she had outgrown years ago.
She sat up, and noticed that the bed now had a railing on the side, which are typically to keep toddlers from rolling out. And then, she saw what she was wearing.
While the pajamas she wore at Emma’s were a bit babyish, these were more like a baby’s actual pajamas. Instead of the shirt and pants combo, Nicole at in a long, pink nightgown with a fairies all over it. but even more shocking was what she found when she rolled up the nightgown.
It was a diaper.
Not the one that Emma had given her, but another one that was actually more babyish, if that was possible.
Before she could think about it, Kathy walked in. “Oh, good, you’re up,” she said.
“Why am I...” Nicole didn’t know where to start.
“Oh, all that?” Kathy started, “A while after you fell asleep I checked on you and found that you’d had a little accident.”
That was a surprise to her. Nicole hadn’t wet the bed since preschool.
“I checked in your bag to see if you had any other clothes,” Kathy continued, “But I only found a diaper. I figured you just forgot to put it on during all the chaos. It was too small a size anyway, so after I cleaned you and the bed up, I put you in a more appropriate size and some nice warm jammies too.”
Nicole was confused about the diaper in the backpack, and then remembered that she must have packed it, although she couldn’t remember why. “I don’t wear diapers,” she said, “And I don’t wet the bed.”
“Well then, sweetie,” Kathy asked, “I fully understand that you had just a little accident, but why do you think it happened?”
Nicole wasn’t sure what to say. The last time it happened, she was four. When you’re four, you wet the bed. No reason behind it, it just happens. This was different. She thought it might have something to do with her dream. The dream about the Mayor. The Mayor who she would never see again.
Nicole looked up at Kathy, tears in her eyes, and said, “I miss my daddy.”
Nicole was a shimmer, a light twirling on the stage. Dance was something that belonged to her, and her alone. All of her friends played at the same playground together, they had all the same homework, and played with the same dolls together.
But every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, Nicole was alone on the stage. Sure, there were girls from other towns, but this was something Nicole needed. She loved her friends, but she was glad she had space away from all of them.
Well, most of them.
“You know, Nicole,” Abigail said when the class was over, “If you were two times a better dancer, you’d still be awful.”
Nicole raised an eyebrow. Abigail’s insults never phased her, but that one confused Nicole on a sheer grammatical basis. Or perhaps this was more of a math issue.
“Abigail,” Nicole retorted, “It’s a shame we don’t get to hang out more often.” Nicole walked off, satisfied that obvious sarcasm had more sting than a constructed insult.
* * *
“Did you have fun tonight?” Page asked from the front seat.
Nicole nodded from the backseat. Page was the assistant of the Mayor of Harmony Hills, who just so happened to be Nicole’s father. For a large amount of the time, assistant was just another word for baby sitter.
“The parts where Abigail was out of the room were great,” Nicole said, “I could dance all day if I wanted. I only need breaks from her.”
“I take it Abigail isn’t warming up to you yet?” Page asked.
“Is that a serious question?” Nicole was almost offended. “That prissy princess can go far far away from me and I wouldn’t miss her one bit. And she can take her big, ugly goldy locks with her.”
“And your hair,” Page said, peeking in from the rear-view mirror, “It’s still up.”
“Is that a problem?” Nicole asked.
“No,” Page said, “It’s just unusual. You typically take it down after dance.”
“This is how you wear it,” Nicole responded.
“Are you trying to look like me?” Page asked.
“I’m trying to look like a grown-up,” Nicole said.
Page snickered. “I’d try to stay young forever if I were you,” she said, “You don’t actually grow into being an adult over time. you just wake up one day and suddenly you already are one. And besides. How old do you think I am?”
Nicole shrugged. “Thirty?” she asked.
“Well,” Page said, “You had worse answers to that question when you were younger. I like your hair when it’s down. You should be proud of your hair. It’s not like the other girls’ hair in town.”
“That’s because I’m black,” Nicole said.
“Yes,” Page said, “I know. And your hair isn’t all crazy like so many black girls these days with beads and weaves and corn things. You should show it off by letting it down.”
“Is the Mayor going to be home for dinner?” Nicole changed the subject.
“I don’t know,” Page said, “He’s very busy.”
“He’s always busy,” Nicole said, sulking down into her seat.
“Well,” Page explained, “He’s been working on a very important project.”
“Is he going to run for president?” Nicole chirped up. It was something she and the Mayor had talked about when she was younger.
“You’ll just have to wait and see,” Page said.
The last campaign was fun, she got to go to all sorts of places with the Mayor, before he was the Mayor. But now she could possibly travel the entire country with him.
Nicole was looking forward to it.
Chapter 2
When Nicole got to school the next morning, she found and approached her best friends, Izzy and Rena, at their cubbies.
“Hey guys,” she said as she hung up her backpack.
“Nicole, tell Izzy that there is no such thing as a stork,” Rena said.
“Huh?” Nicole was confused. “There is. We saw a bunch at the zoo, remember?”
“Toldja!” Izzy said with a big grin.
“No, not that,” Rena went on, “Izzy says the stork is what brings new babies.”
“That’s what my mommy told me,” Izzy said.
“Tell her she’s wrong!” Rena said.
“Well where do you think babies come from?” Nicole asked Rena.
“Everyone knows that,” Rena said, “From the mom’s stomach.
“That’s just a myth!” Izzy declared, “If that’s true, then how do they get the baby out?”
Rena leaned in close to Izzy and said, “They cut their bellies open.”
Izzy gasped.
“I’m sitting down,” Nicole said as she walked away..
At her desk, Nicole turned to Emma, who was lost in her own thought as she suddenly started giggling.
“What are you giggling about?” Nicole asked.
Broken from her trance, Emma smiled, and then whispered to her, “I have a secret.”
“Okay?” Nicole was expecting something more than that. She realized there was nothing else to it. The bell rang, and everyone else hurried to their seats.
***
After school, Nicole went home and started her homework. After that was done, she was looking for a snack when there was a knock at the door.
“We’re bored,” Rena said, standing on the front porch with Izzy. Moments later, they were hanging out in Nicole’s room.
“I don’t know how you wear those things,” Rena said, examining Nicole’s leotard that was hung up.
“That’s because all you wear is jeans,” Nicole said, “Jeans and cargo shorts and basketball shorts. Typical tomboy wardrobe.”
“UGHH!” Rena exclaimed, “You know how much I hate being called that. Why is a tomboy a type of girl if it’s got the word boy in it. Why not call it a tomgirl?”
“A tomgirl is a boy who acts like a girl,” Izzy said.
“Thank you, Izzy, Rena said sarcastically.
“I think your leotard is pretty,” Izzy said to Nicole.
Nicole smiled and said, “Thank you, Izzy,” with full sincerity.
“So what’s it like hanging out with the Scream Queen?” Rena asked Nicole.
“Abigail?” Nicole checked to make sure that’s who Rena meant. “She’s really just an annoyance at this point. She insults me, I brush it off and that’s it.”
“What’s the point of that?” Rena asked, “What does she get from insulting everyone.
“She thinks she’s a princess,” Nicole explained.
“That’s not what a princess does,” Izzy said, “A princess is kindhearted and treats her subjects with love and respect. Abigail is more like an evil queen, hating everyone and trying to make them hate her.”
“But why?” Rena repeated her question.
“Because,” Izzy said, “The evil queen is jealous of the princess.”
“But who is the princess in this story?” Nicole asked.
“And when is the prince gonna come and cut her head off?” Rena asked a question that everyone was wondering.
Chapter 3
“You must have been born on a highway,” Abigail said. She had clearly been saving that one for the next dance class.
The insult had stumped Nicole. She turned to her bully, while packing her own bag, and realized that Abigail was actually setting up her own insults now. “What?” she asked.
“Because that’s where most accidents happen,” Abigail proudly said.
“Do you just sit at home, planning these out or looking them up online so you can dish them out later?”
Abigail’s eyes widened. Nicole seemed to have won, but the victory was interrupted by an adult approaching.
“Hey, Abigail,” Mrs. Shepard said, “Oh, and hello, Nicole.”
Nicole smiled. This wasn’t Mrs. Shepard, mother of Nicole’s worst nightmare. It was the other Mrs. Shepard, mother of Nicole’s good friend Emma, who was also standing in front of them.
“Hi, Emma,” Nicole said.
“Abigail, your mother asked us to come get you, she’s held up at the bank,” Mrs. Shepard said.
“Okay,” Abigail smiled and hopped up, “Goodbye, Nicole.”
Abigail was ready to walk off, but Mrs. Shepard stopped at looked around. Nicole was the only dancer left.
“Nicole, is someone coming to get you?” Mrs. Shepard asked.
Nicole wasn’t sure. Page typically would have arrived by now. “I’ll call,” she said.
The phone call was short. Page, and the Mayor, had to head to D.C. on an emergency trip. Upon hearing this, Mrs. Shepard grabbed the phone, and immediately offered to keep Nicole for the night.
“Come on, sweetie,” Mrs. Shepard said. And in two seconds Nicole went from being stranded at the dance studio to being on the way to a sleepover.
* * *
“So, Nicole,” Mr. Shepard started at dinner that night. “What kind of business is the Mayor up to in Washington?”
“Ken!” Mrs. Shepard scolded her husband.
“What?” he gave an innocent shrug, “Nicole is the Mayor’s daughter. It’s like we have an inside scoop staying at our house.”
“Honestly, Ken,” Anne shook her head.
“Is he gonna run for president?” Emma asked, excited.
“Let’s all leave Nicole alone,” Anne said. “Honey, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”
Nicole shrugged. “He works a lot. I don’t really know what he’s been doing. I don’t see him a lot.”
“Who typically stays with you?” Anne asked.
“Page,” Nicole said, “His assistant. She takes me to school and picks me up from places and works with him during the day. Sometimes he’s around on the weekends and stuff. He’s very busy.”
Nicole was simply talking, hoping to shirk questions about her mother. She wasn’t looking to bring that up.
* * *
“Here you go,” Emma said, handing Nicole a set of pajamas. Nicole had been sitting in Emma’s room while Emma was changing.
“Thanks,” Nicole said, as she walked off to change. In the bathroom, Nicole examined the pajamas she had be lent. They were overly childish, pink and decorated with teddy bears. When she had the full outfit on, she looked like a little kid with corporate hair.
Nicole returned to Emma’s room, and looked around. “Where am I sleeping?” she asked.
“My bed’s big enough for both of us,” Emma said.
Nicole sighed, “Whatever, I’m tired.” Nicole sat on the bed and stretched. “Your cousin is a real piece of work.”
“You wanna know what’s weird?” Emma asked. “You probably spend more time with her than I do.”
“I just wish she would shut up,” Nicole went on. “Her insults don’t hurt me, they’re just annoying. It would make my day if her tongue fell out. And both of her legs broke. And she got acne.”
Emma giggled. “I’ll get another pillow.”
Emma stood up and walked out the room and down the hall to the linen closet. For a brief second, something caught Nicole’s eye.
While she knew it was probably her eyes playing games on her, she actually thought that for a second that she saw a diaper poking out of Emma’s pajama pants.
Chapter 4
The next day, much to her excitement, Nicole was not stranded at school and forced to spend another night away from home. Page’s car drove up to the school on time, and the two were soon headed home.
“So what was going on in Washington? When can I see the Mayor?” Nicole asked when they got home, as Page had said little in the car.
“That’s the thing, kid,” Page said, “He’s gotten himself in a little bit of trouble.”
“What kind of trouble?” Nicole asked, “Is he okay?”
“Honey, I know how much you try to be big,” Page said, “But you’re still just a kid. you wouldn’t understand if I told you three times, so let’s just leave it at this: He was keeping secrets.”
At that, Page sent Nicole to her room. Nicole was heartbroken. She never worried about the Mayor being away for so long. As she lay in bed that night, she found herself having all sorts of nightmares. The worst was the one where she never saw him again.
* * *
After getting over her brief hysterics about the mayor, Nicole managed to carry on with her life. Dance class could not have come quickly enough.
Simply being in a leotard changed everything for Nicole. She felt free, able to go wherever her body could take her. Nicole was painting pictures in the air, limited only by the flexibility of her own arms and legs.
After class wrapped up, Nicole was packing up her bag. Abigail soon approached, having changed out of her leotard and into a nice purple dress that flowed out past her knees.
“Do you like it?” she asked. “My daddy just got it for me. I couldn’t decide between this one or the pink one, so I made him buy me both.”
“That’s fabulous,” Nicole said, glad they got their daily banter taken care of quickly.
However, Abigail wasn’t done yet. “Oh, Nicole what happened?” she continued.
“What are you talking about?” Nicole wasn’t aware that they were still doing their usual thing, so she assumed something was actually wrong.
“Your face!” Abigail said, with a look of genuine concern on her face.
Nicole touched her face and asked, “What’s wrong with my face?”
“It looks like it caught on fire,” Abigail said, “And someone tried to put it out with a shovel.”
Nicole rolled her eyes. “How did my face catch on fire?” she asked.
Abigail wasn't expecting a follow up. She thought about it for a second, but Nicole interrupted her.
“Nevermind, I don’t care anymore, Abigail,” Nicole said, “You’re not insulting, just annoying. So just stop it. Nothing you say is actually mean, it’s sad really.”
Taken back, Abigail paused for a moment. She then put on a big grin and asked., “You wanna know what’s sad?” Nicole readied herself for another one of Abigail’s zingers. “The fact that you’re daddy the Mayor would rather sit in his office all week then spend two seconds with you.”
Nicole’s eyes instantly began to water, but she held back actual tears and found a better solution.
It happened in the flash. One second, truly hurtful words were escaping Abigail’s mouth. A second later, Abigail was on the floor. At some point in between those two seconds, Abigail’s mouth got in the way of Nicole’s fist.
Everyone was suddenly staring at them. Abigail looked up at Nicole. At first, it seemed as though she was unphased, as she had always shrugged off Nicole’s counter-attacks. But this time, there was no shrugging it off.
Abigail began to cry.
That happened even quicker. Within a split second Abigail’s eyes began to water, tears started pouring down her face, and she was hollering like she had broken her legs.
“Nicole!?” the dance teacher ran over and helped Abigail up. “What did you do that for?” she shouted.
“She said-” Nicole knew there was no fighting it. Abigail’s wails were proof enough of what Nicole already knew.
She had finally lost the battle.
Chapter 5
There was no one to actually punish Nicole. The dance instructors told Page that she should take a couple days off. And that was that.
The weekend came, and Nicole was left to her own devices. On days when the summer heat was still sticking around, she and her friends tried to make the most of it.
They often met in the playground that was right behind Nicole’s house. It was a small area, but it connected Nicole, Izzy, and Rena’s neighborhood to Emma and the other’s.
Nicole looked out her window and could see that no one was there. It was the perfect place to be alone.
Nicole left the house and went off to the playground. She found herself just sitting on the swings for a moment.
She had hit Abigail Shepard. In the face. It was something dozens of kids had wanted to do, but she did it first. So why did it feel so horrible?
The moment Abigail had started crying, Nicole realized that she was a real kid who actually could be hurt. Nicole was ashamed of herself for sinking so low.
In all of her sulking, Nicole failed to notice someone sneaking up on her.
“You hit her?” Emma asked.
Nicole looked up, confused. “Do you actually care?” Nicole asked.
“No, I think it’s really cool,” Emma said, “I wish I were that brave.”
“So what do you want?” Nicole asked.
Emma was taken back. “Nothing,” she said, “I just saw you sitting here alone and thought you needed some company.”
“Emma, not everyone needs to constantly be attended to,” Nicole said.
“What is wrong with you?” Emma asked, frustrated with the way her friend was acting.
Nicole took a pause, then asked, “What’s your secret? Tell me.”
“That’s not how secrets work,” Emma said.
“Then tell me this,” Nicole changed her tactics, “When I slept over, were you wearing a diaper?”
“No,” Emma said.
Nicole was not convinced, “Don’t keep secrets!” she nearly shouted. “Secrets get people in trouble.”
Emma was confused, but eventually gave in. “My new neighbor, Susie. She gave them to me. They’re her brother’s.”
Nicole was not expecting to find out where they came from, she assumed her mom bought them for her because of bedwetting or medical reasons. “Why?” she asked.
Emma shrugged. “I just... like wearing them.” She closed her eyes, waiting for Nicole’s reaction. After a few seconds, Emma looked up, and found that there were tears rolling down Nicole’s cheeks.
“Nicole?” Emma reached over to her friend, and soon Nicole was crying her eyes out and shouting like a baby.
Chapter 6
Nicole blew her nose. She sat on Emma’s bed, having been led back there by her caring friend. When she pulled herself together, Nicole told Emma everything about the Mayor getting into trouble, and how she thinks she might never see him again.
“I know how you feel,” Emma said, “I mean, my daddy isn’t gone, but I’ve been really upset lately too.”
“Really?” Nicole sniffled, “Why?”
Emma nodded. “After my birthday, and starting school without Penny,” Emma herself was starting to tear up. “I don’t want to grow up this fast. Next year we’ll be in middle school and then high school and you’ll be in the dancers clique and Rena will hang out with the sports teams and Penny will be too old to hang out with me. I just want to stay little for a bit longer.”
“I didn’t know,” Nicole said, “You hide it well, that’s for sure. How do you get over it?”
“The diapers,” Emma admitted, “They make me feel young again. Instead of turning nine and being in fourth grade, I’m in preschool, when we all first met and Penny was in our class and all we did was play all day.”
“Huh,” Nicole said, “You’re right. Things were much simpler when we were all in diapers. Everything went downhill when we all got potty trained.”
“I know, right?” Emma laughed through her teary eyes.
“It’s hard to believe you just get happier by wearing a diaper,” Nicole shrugged.
“Hang on,” Emma stood up and went to her dresser.
“What are you doing?” Nicole asked as Emma rummaged through her drawers.
“Here,” she said, returning and handing Nicole a diaper. “It’s my last one. And you need it more than I do.”
“I don’t know,” Nicole said, “I might be brave enough to punch Abigail in the face, but I could never wear a diaper.”
“Hey,” Emma said, “You’ll never know until you try.”
* * *
When Nicole returned to her house she hid the diaper behind her and slowly tried to sneak it past Page, who was lounging in the living room.
“Where were you?” Page asked.
Nicole stopped and said, “In the playground,” she said.
“Go to bed,” Page replied.
Nicole was confused. It was still light out, and yet Page looked like she was ready for a nap. Her makeup was smeared and her hair was down.
“Where is the Mayor?” Nicole asked. “I want to see him. When is he coming home?”
“He’s not coming home,” Page said.
Nicole moved closer to her. There was an empty wine bottle on the couch and a newly opened one in Page’s grasp.
“Why?” Nicole asked, now suddenly realizing that her fears about the Mayor were coming true.
“You wanna know?” Page asked, “You want to be an adult? The Mayor is currently being held at the county jail, awaiting trial as a result of his involvement in a...”
The rest of the speech was white noise. Nicole knew that Page was using big words to purposefully mock her. But Nicole didn’t need to hear anymore. She knew what a jail was.
“What’s going to happen to me?” she interrupted.
Page swallowed a gulp of wine and said, “A social worker is on the way. You will be taken somewhere for the night and then... I don’t know.”
“I want to stay at Emma’s,” Nicole said, attempting to take control of the situation. “They let me sleepover there before.”
“Kid,” Page said, “You really have a lot to learn.
Chapter 7
Nicole lost track of how long they were driving. She was caught up in everything that was happening. When they stopped and she got outside, she was certain they were still in Harmony Hills, but not exactly sure as to where.
The social worker led her to the front door. Nicole had nothing with her but her backpack, which she had packed in a hurry.
“Nicole, this is Miss Kathy,” the social worker introduced Nicole to an older woman. She looked like a mom.
“Hello sweetie, how are you doing?” Miss Kathy asked. Nicole said nothing.
The next thing she knew, Nicole was left in the house with Kathy. She looked around. Everything was normal looking - it was just a house. It wasn’t as luxurious as what she was used to, but it was still normal.
Nicole had always assumed foster care was something completely different. This was just normal.
“Is there anything you need?” Kathy asked. Nicole shook her head. “You’re probably just tired. Let me show you to your room.
It was all happening so fast. She was being led up to her new room, by her new mom, in her new house. Her new life.
When the arrived, Nicole didn’t get a good look at the room. She simply crawled into the bed and closed her eyes.
* * *
The Mayor was gone. It would have been nice if he had been busy because he was going to become President. Or if he had been hosting the Thanksgiving pageant. It would even be better if he had turned into a giant snake.
But he was just gone.
Nicole was fighting these thoughts all night, unable to fall asleep at first. When she finally told herself she was only dreaming, the real dreams began. First her mother, than the Mayor, and now Nicole herself was gone. There was nothing left of her. She was a broken shell where a girl once was.
She dreamt of all her friends, happily living with both of their parents, smiling as Nicole wept. The only person who was sort of nice to her was Emma, who had actually managed to stay little forever.
That’s what Nicole wanted. She wanted to be back in preschool, when everyone was happy and she was with her mother and the Mayor.
When the sunlight woke her, she gradually came to realize that her dream was only a dream, and that the previous day’s events had indeed occurred.
She looked around at the room, not her room but someone else’s. While she hadn’t gotten a good look at it the night before, she knew that certain things certainly weren’t there the night before. Dozen of girly toys, including a doll house, things she had outgrown years ago.
She sat up, and noticed that the bed now had a railing on the side, which are typically to keep toddlers from rolling out. And then, she saw what she was wearing.
While the pajamas she wore at Emma’s were a bit babyish, these were more like a baby’s actual pajamas. Instead of the shirt and pants combo, Nicole at in a long, pink nightgown with a fairies all over it. but even more shocking was what she found when she rolled up the nightgown.
It was a diaper.
Not the one that Emma had given her, but another one that was actually more babyish, if that was possible.
Before she could think about it, Kathy walked in. “Oh, good, you’re up,” she said.
“Why am I...” Nicole didn’t know where to start.
“Oh, all that?” Kathy started, “A while after you fell asleep I checked on you and found that you’d had a little accident.”
That was a surprise to her. Nicole hadn’t wet the bed since preschool.
“I checked in your bag to see if you had any other clothes,” Kathy continued, “But I only found a diaper. I figured you just forgot to put it on during all the chaos. It was too small a size anyway, so after I cleaned you and the bed up, I put you in a more appropriate size and some nice warm jammies too.”
Nicole was confused about the diaper in the backpack, and then remembered that she must have packed it, although she couldn’t remember why. “I don’t wear diapers,” she said, “And I don’t wet the bed.”
“Well then, sweetie,” Kathy asked, “I fully understand that you had just a little accident, but why do you think it happened?”
Nicole wasn’t sure what to say. The last time it happened, she was four. When you’re four, you wet the bed. No reason behind it, it just happens. This was different. She thought it might have something to do with her dream. The dream about the Mayor. The Mayor who she would never see again.
Nicole looked up at Kathy, tears in her eyes, and said, “I miss my daddy.”